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Cutting the peen in half so you can stick the peen in 

Cutting the peen in half so you can stick the peen in
Guy 1-"Yo I just engaged in cutting his peen in half so I can stick my peen in."
Guy 2-"Is that when you are cutting the peen in half so you can stick the peen in?"
Guy 1-"Yea it is"
Guy 2-"Thats fucking hot"

Shit so thick you could stir it with a stick 

When you’ve had a particularly hard day, and the problems are getting to you; a lot of problems.

Coined by R.E.M. in the song “Bad Day”.
“Dude, my day’s been so rough. I’ve got shit so thick you could stir it with a stick.”