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Shut the hell up before I shove a cactus so far up your ass you'll have more pricks in your mouth than your father had on Pride's Month 

something that many, many people would like to tell people
"Shut the hell up before I shove a cactus so far up your ass you'll have more pricks in your mouth than your father had on Pride's Month," said little Jimmy "Damn, little Jimmy, you need to chill out," said his bully, getting out the gasoline and matches."

Unwanted Monthly Subscription to the Waterfalls of Hell 

"Oh my god I am literally having the worst cramp of my life right now"
"Is it the unwanted monthly subscription to the waterfalls of hell again?"