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Definitions by theDarkShow

Running the Finger-shuttle Between Headsville and Balls Falls 

Masturbation.

As coined by the upcoming gross and insulting movie, the Dark Show.
Sanchez: Hey, why so glum?
Rusty: Ah, my mom caught me Running the Finger-shuttle Between Headsville and Balls Falls.
Sanchez: Meaning, your mom caught you masturbating.
Rusty: In a nutshell.
Sanchez: Man, if your mom caught me masturbating, I bet I'd end up fucking her.

Batman's Taking Robin For a Slide Down the Meat Pole 

Masturbation.

As coined by the upcoming youtube movie "The Dark Show".
Carl: What are you doing tonight.
Phil: I thought I'd help Batman Take Robin for a slide down the meat pole.
Carl: So what you're telling me is that Batman's Taking Robin For a Slide Down the Meat Pole.
Phil: Yes.
Carl: TMI.
Phil: I fucking *hate* people who say "TMI.

Helping the Hairless Hound Steal the Nuts from the Withered Old Man by the Stinkhole 

The longest ever metaphor for masturbation.

As seen in the upcoming film, the Dark Show
Rob: Why is there vaseline in your glove box?
Roy: I use it at stop lights.
Rob: Use it for what?
Roy: I got a spare couple of minutes, might as well spend it by Helping the Hairless Hound Steal the Nuts from the Withered Old Man by the Stinkhole.
Rob: Is that supposed to mean jerking off.
Roy: If you want to be crude about it, then yes, you fucking cunt.