Shitwreck

Derives from the term 'shipwreck'.

The result of peeing and pooing at the same time under precise circumstances that causes the poo to be almost lost in the merky water – baring an eery resemblance to a shipwreck.
John: "There you go, mate. Sorry for taking so long..."

Lee: "It's no bother – WOAH!"

John: "Huh?"

Lee: "Why the blooming fuck is there a shrunken replica of the Pirates of the Carribean set in my toilet?"

John: "Fuck, I thought I already flushed! Shitwrecks can be hard to spot..."

Lee: "You better flush this thing into Davey Jones' locker right now!"
by shitstained mattress April 24, 2017
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Burlapticking

Adjective used to emphasise your frustration with someone when "motherfucking" just doesn't cut it.
"Getcho burlapticking ass over 'ere boi"

"Ayo shut those big, juicy, burlapticking lips up"

"Burlapticking, fiddlesticking, finger-licking son-of-a-cunt"
by shitstained mattress September 11, 2020
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Sea of Thieves

A stunning new open-world pirate game, made by the talented crew at Rare. With a gorgeous art style and a vast ocean to explore – this charming cell-shaded game requires true teamwork if you're to set sail into its mysteries.

Players can look forward to boarding ships and stealing booty later this year, when the game releases alongside Project Scorpio.

It is coming to Xbox One/Scorpio and Win10 as a Play Anywhere title. I'm really pumped to see if Rare can still work their magic!
Dude #1: 'Holy smokes, I can't wait to play Sea of Thieves!'

Dude#2: 'I know, right?! That game is gonna be lit.'

Weirdo: 'IT SUCKS BECAUSE IT'S NOT ON PS4!!!'

Dude #1: 'Get out of here, you Pony!'

Dude #2: 'Yeah, go play your little weaboo indie games!'

Dude #1 and #2 proceed to high-five.
by shitstained mattress April 13, 2017
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Racist

Overused, coloured punchline that has been hijacked by the left to reinforce political correctness and silence opposition. Often used in situations that are about as racist as third-way feminism is an equality movement, in somewhat of a double entendre where the person slinging it about is the actual racist.
"In the grim dark future, there is only racism, sexism, ageism, sizeism and about as many genders as there are grains of sand on the planet."

"You racist cis white male! REEEEEE!"
by shitstained mattress December 17, 2017
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Laginator

A player in an online (typically pvp) game, who is so damn laggy they become invincible, seemingly entering Matrix-style bullet time, walking on water like Jesus, and wiping out entire enemy teams -- much like the terminator. Applies to both people intentionally lag switching as well as Vodafone customers.
Guy: Dude, some hacker just teleported into our base and slaughtered everyone!

Dude: Not hacking, just a laginator.

Guy: Did you check his ping?

Dude: It's over 9000.
by shitstained mattress September 11, 2020
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Jehovacraft

A vehicle used by Jehovah's Witnesses to travel from neighbourhood to neighbourhood, terrorising people on their doorsteps.
Chad: Just got done slashing some Jehovacraft tyres.

Jesus: Doing the Lord's work.
by shitstained mattress September 11, 2020
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Calmo

A cooler way of saying "Calm"; meaning "It's cool/fine/alright" or more often for this variation, "Affirmative".
"Ayo come play Roblox at 6?"
"Calmo."

"We just played Roblox for 12 hours straight," said the little virgin, "We need to get a job!"
"It's calmo -- life finds a way, innit?"
"Same time tomorrow?"
"Calmo."
"Stop saying that."
"Calm."
by shitstained mattress September 09, 2020
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