jonzo the weasel's definitions
An ancient Philosopher and possibly savior who had a pretty decent message while alive- be nice, forgive, help those less fortunate than you. Very little is known about this man's personal life because he never wrote down anything so far as we can tell, and the four friends of his who wrote stuff about him did so decades after he whipped, humiliated, stabbed, nailed to a cross shaped object, and eventually died from the agony. Had twelve close followers one of whom betrayed him, plus a whole pack of deciples including his mother and an ex-prostitute who may or may not have been his wife. Actually may have also been attempting to start a jewish rebellion against the roman imperialist dictators, though this was probablye editted out of the scritures to make Romans convert. His early followers were a pretty nice bunch cosidering that they were skinned alive, tied to poles and shot full of arrows, whipped, stoned, crucified upsidedown, and made into human cat food in the colliseum with lions. His later followers sadly were homicidal nuts and began slaughtering innocent Jews and Muslims, and occasionally each other. This started to change around the 1900's, and was almost perfectly reformed by the 1970's with Jesus Christ Superstar when sadly a group of vile liars calling themselves undamentalists distorted his image into a hate mongering fanatic, causing comunist govts. like North Korea to ban him and turning many people away from him. The fact that some of his closest followers raped altar servers and that his name was attached to Jacko's "Juice" probably pissed him off. If alive today, he'd be chillin in jamaica with stoners or playing in the NBA as Steve Nash and MLB as Johnny Damon. Oh wait, he is. And he'd shut up Creed for good.
Jesus- Do unto others as you would have them do unto your self
Crackpot Televangelist- Um, that means give me your social security money. And while you are at it, lynch a gay man or two. yeah, that's it.
Crackpot Televangelist- Um, that means give me your social security money. And while you are at it, lynch a gay man or two. yeah, that's it.
by Jonzo the Weasel September 16, 2006
Get the Jesusmug. A fashion designer who is very rich and apparently crazy. At Rosario Dawson's birthday party he started a fight with Axl Rose for no apparent reason
by jonzo the weasel July 30, 2006
Get the Tommy Hilfigermug. A far-right fundamentalist christian church in Topeka, Kansas headed by Fred Phelps. Think Pat Robertson cranked up to 11. They are notorious for the "God Hates Fags" campgain. To show their message, they select funerals of US troops who died in Iraq to picket, saying that these kids got killed as punishment for America's failure to persecute homosexuals. They first made the headlines when they went to the funeral of hate-crime victim Matthew Sheppard with signs saying "Matt In Hell" and other messages. If there's ever a disaster in the world, you can bet your ass that they will have something to say. Whenever they demonstrate, little kids as young as 6 can be seen brought along to hold signs by their parents.
After the asian tsunami the statement was that it was a "blessing from God." Somehow the idea was worked in that it was set up at a time that it would kill alot of Swedish tourists, because apparently Rev. Phelps has something against Scandinavia.
During the disastrous 2005 hurricane season, the church celebrated with signs like "Kudos Katrina" "Welcome Wilma" "Bring it on Beta" etc.
Also, the US casualties of the war on terror? The 3000 victims of the september 11 terrorist attacks? Martin Luther King and Corretta Scott King? The 14 guys who died in that coal mine? Every last Catholic on Earth? Reggie White? The Pope? Mr. Rogers? Yup, they're all in/going to Hell.
Oh, here's a fact! Phelps' 200 church members may only marry within the church. The catch is, it's made up entirely of relatives of either Fred or his wife. Hey, there's more than one way to keep the gene pool chlorinated.
Remember, kids, who would Jesus hate?
After the asian tsunami the statement was that it was a "blessing from God." Somehow the idea was worked in that it was set up at a time that it would kill alot of Swedish tourists, because apparently Rev. Phelps has something against Scandinavia.
During the disastrous 2005 hurricane season, the church celebrated with signs like "Kudos Katrina" "Welcome Wilma" "Bring it on Beta" etc.
Also, the US casualties of the war on terror? The 3000 victims of the september 11 terrorist attacks? Martin Luther King and Corretta Scott King? The 14 guys who died in that coal mine? Every last Catholic on Earth? Reggie White? The Pope? Mr. Rogers? Yup, they're all in/going to Hell.
Oh, here's a fact! Phelps' 200 church members may only marry within the church. The catch is, it's made up entirely of relatives of either Fred or his wife. Hey, there's more than one way to keep the gene pool chlorinated.
Remember, kids, who would Jesus hate?
A few messages from our friends at the Westboro Baptist Church!
"Matt In Hell"
"God Hates Fags"
"No Tears For Queers"
"Fags Die, God Laughs"
"FDNY In Hell"
"America Is Doomed"
"Thank God For Dead Troops"
"God Sent The IED"
"Fag Soldier In Hell"
"God Blew Up the Troops"
"Dyke Sows Wedd Here"
"Fag Priests And Dyke Nuns"
"Thank God For 9/11"
Hey Fred, thanks for giving all normal Christians a bad name."
"Matt In Hell"
"God Hates Fags"
"No Tears For Queers"
"Fags Die, God Laughs"
"FDNY In Hell"
"America Is Doomed"
"Thank God For Dead Troops"
"God Sent The IED"
"Fag Soldier In Hell"
"God Blew Up the Troops"
"Dyke Sows Wedd Here"
"Fag Priests And Dyke Nuns"
"Thank God For 9/11"
Hey Fred, thanks for giving all normal Christians a bad name."
by Jonzo the Weasel August 2, 2006
Get the Westboro Baptist Churchmug.