Definitions by brett burkhardt
QVC Crack Head
I was horrified when I saw that aunt Mary spent over a thousand dollars a month on crap from QVC but when she told me she returned all but $20 worth of stuff I knew she was a real QVC crack head.
QVC Crack Head by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Transfer Troll
An asshole who transfers someone to you or another department even though they can handle the problem themselves.
Margo in accounting was a huge transfer troll. She’d send your ass to shipping just so she wouldn’t have to answer any questions about shipping costs that she was entering into the system.
Transfer Troll by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Tip Priority
Matt had 8 pizzas to deliver but tip priority meant that he’d deliver the freshest one first. That guy always slipped him a $20.
Ari knew that the woman at table two was very generous and gave her table tip priority all night.
Ari knew that the woman at table two was very generous and gave her table tip priority all night.
Tip Priority by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Hold Hostage
When you’re waiting on hold for someone and know that the second you answer another call or check another line they’ll answer and hang up when you don’t answer right away.
I’ve been a hold hostage for 8 minutes now. I know that if that whore in accounts receivable picks up when I try and answer this other line she’ll disconnect.
Hold Hostage by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Martyr Moment
A moment of self denial, privation, or sacrifice that a person uses for sympathy and pity for years on end or to guilt people into doing what they want.
Ed knew that driving his girlfriend to the airport at 4am was just the martyr moment he needed to get more oral.
“Lilly, you can just jump down off that cross now. Staying three minutes after work is not a martyr moment worthy of asking for Friday night off.”
“Lilly, you can just jump down off that cross now. Staying three minutes after work is not a martyr moment worthy of asking for Friday night off.”
Martyr Moment by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Back Story Bore
“....and then I wanted to plant tulips but I just don’t think our soil is right for it...”
“Sir! I just need to know, soup or salad!” Said the poor waitress after a 5 minute story from the Back Story Bore on table 8.
“Can I get your name please, ma’am?”
“Well I called because I got this letter and I was going to call yesterday when I got it but then my sister called and then it started to rain so I had to....”
“MA’AM!!! I need your name before I can even help you!” Denise screamed at the back story bore who was eating into her lunch hour.
“Sir! I just need to know, soup or salad!” Said the poor waitress after a 5 minute story from the Back Story Bore on table 8.
“Can I get your name please, ma’am?”
“Well I called because I got this letter and I was going to call yesterday when I got it but then my sister called and then it started to rain so I had to....”
“MA’AM!!! I need your name before I can even help you!” Denise screamed at the back story bore who was eating into her lunch hour.
Back Story Bore by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Memo Discrepancy
When someone makes statements about their accounts that are complete lies but, because you can’t say that in the notes or to the customer, you have to call it a memo discrepancy.
“This bitch says called the other day and that she’d gotten some rep to wave her fees but she never called in once. Can I say she’s a lying whore in the memos?”
“No, just say it’s a memo discrepancy and then specify what didn’t match up. Otherwise you’ll get your ass in trouble.”
“No, just say it’s a memo discrepancy and then specify what didn’t match up. Otherwise you’ll get your ass in trouble.”
Memo Discrepancy by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008