Definitions by Walt Shitman

Dead weight

(Noun): refers to a colleague who does jack shit, often causing more work for others. This person does nothing but collect a paycheck while producing no results, and when asked about work will lie and use convoluted language as smoke and mirrors to hide and distract from the fact that they do absolutely nothing. Further, they often bookend weekends by taking either a Friday or Monday off, typically after having to cover for a colleague. Parasites and malignant growths treat hosts better.

Synonym: sack of shit

Hey, that Warco is some real dead weight! He hasn’t done jack shit around here and now I’ve got more work to do. Plus, he took Friday off because he had to cover a meeting for me on Thursday due to me being out for a doctor’s appointment.

Dead weight by Walt Shitman November 6, 2026

Shitocalypse 

a splataclysmic world-ending event of fecal fallout typically brought on by a vile co-worker’s overindulgence of greasy, fatty, fried foods and IPAs following a vacation or weekend of debauchery. The pressure continues to build in this co-worker until they return to work and callously lay waste to the shared staff bathroom and much of the ground surrounding it, leaving the area barren and uninhabitable for the remainder of the work day.

“CODE BROWN, CODE BROWN! Avoid the bathroom and surrounding area; there has been a shitocalypse of septic proportions!

Shitocalypse by Walt Shitman January 11, 2023

Poopetrator 

After being hit from fecal fallout upon entering a shared bathroom (usually at work), the person/people you suspect that are dropping miasmic mud missiles and proboscis poopy-traps, rendering the bathroom the likes of a war-torn region. The poopetrator(s) are typically, but not limited to, males ages 30-60 who have recently gained excessive mass, had a recent change to gait, and/or are slender kombucha and tea drinkers.

Me, returning from the bathroom and warning a colleague, “CODE BROWN! The bathroom has been annihilated!”

Colleague, “Seriously! Who would’ve done that?”

Me, “I believe it to be the usual poopetrator(s).

Poopetrator by Walt Shitman May 2, 2022