Belgacom

Belgacom is one of the branches of the Belgian government. It collects taxes disguised as telecom services without providing said services.

The common misconception that Belgacom actually provides telecom services probably stems from the name (in which -com is actually short for "complete wankers"), their enormous headquarters in northern Brussels, and their invoices listing calls you never made and mysterious services you never received.

If you beg for long enough, Belcacom might actually connect you to the internet. Please note however that possessing a working internet connection is a criminal offense in Belgium and you will be fined accordingly.

Belgacom, embodying both Belgian political culture and customer service, has spawned a multitude of common expressions.

"He's in a Belgacoma" - All brain activity has ceased.

"That guy is Belgacompetent" - He can't tell his ass from his elbow.

"I went Belgacom on his ass" - I told him to fuck off and die.

Belgacum: an ejaculation caused by raping a customer.

Belgacomedy: conversation with a retarded person.

Belgacomfort: not being a Belgacom customer.

Belgacommerce: making a 500-million-euro yearly profit by selling nothing and doing nothing.

Belgacomplacency: turning a blind eye to openly criminal activities.

Belgacomplaint: a complaint thrown in the bin without reading.

Belgacompound: giant headquarters built with money stolen from the masses.

Belgacomputer: a computer with no internet connection.

Belgacomrade: a graduate of Joseph Stalin's School of Customer Service.

by Vieux Polack November 03, 2011