When your buttcrack hairs get so long and tangled, they make a hammock for your turd.
Me: Dude! I took the gnarliest poop the other day but not all of my shit hit the water. I had to pinch and pull.
Friend: Have you trimmed your ass hairs lately?
Me: No. WTF?
Friend: Yeah man, sometimes your ass hairs grow and get tangled. You must have some serious doodoo hammocks goin on.