Definitions by Tona Cramer
Let’s FETS
A phrase originating in the Scottish Highlands, somewhere near Loch Fyne, after four extremely good looking people — Feffe, Elsa, Tona and Seb — discovered that friendship, deer stalking and questionable physical endurance make for an outstanding weekend.
To FETS is to gather your favourite people, head north and commit fully to whatever the Highlands throw at you.
Typical FETS behaviour includes:
Deer stalking until previously unknown physical limits are reached
Continuing anyway because apparently “we’re nearly there, just one more hill”
Eating extremely well under the entirely justified belief that you have “earned it”
Dramatically staring across Loch Fyne like you’re contemplating the future of “your” estate
Discovering that ceramics and/or drainage make one or the other members of the group inexplicably horny
Secondary meaning:
A reminder that true friendship is measured not in years, but in whether four people can survive the Scottish Highlands together, push themselves to their physical limits, develop unexpected erotic responses to pottery and still immediately start discussing the next trip.
See also: Highland Fever, Tweed Addiction, Loch Fyne Syndrome, Ceramic Arousal, Just One More Dram, We Must Be Nearly There.
To FETS is to gather your favourite people, head north and commit fully to whatever the Highlands throw at you.
Typical FETS behaviour includes:
Deer stalking until previously unknown physical limits are reached
Continuing anyway because apparently “we’re nearly there, just one more hill”
Eating extremely well under the entirely justified belief that you have “earned it”
Dramatically staring across Loch Fyne like you’re contemplating the future of “your” estate
Discovering that ceramics and/or drainage make one or the other members of the group inexplicably horny
Secondary meaning:
A reminder that true friendship is measured not in years, but in whether four people can survive the Scottish Highlands together, push themselves to their physical limits, develop unexpected erotic responses to pottery and still immediately start discussing the next trip.
See also: Highland Fever, Tweed Addiction, Loch Fyne Syndrome, Ceramic Arousal, Just One More Dram, We Must Be Nearly There.
“Should we have a relaxing weekend?”
“No.”
“Ceramics?”
“Potentially.”
“Seven hours up a mountain?”
“Obviously.”
“Let’s FETS.”
“No.”
“Ceramics?”
“Potentially.”
“Seven hours up a mountain?”
“Obviously.”
“Let’s FETS.”
Let’s FETS by Tona Cramer October 3, 2026
