1 definition by Timmy Gunderson

emosexual

Emosexual - Noun. Refers to a person of any gender who can only become sexually aroused in the presence of whining. Telltale signs include: all black ensemble, heavy white make-up covering up as well as contributing to a LOT of acne, facial piercings, eyeball piercings, genital piercings, anal piercings, etc. The more painful the location of the piercing, the more likely you have found an emosexual. In the wild the emosexual is often found listening to wrist-cutting music in her suburban home, going to wrist-cutting musical performances, and talking about how all emosexuals are better than everyone smarter, prettier and with better social skills than they have.

Emosexual hair generally looks designed to get its wearer pummeled by jocks, sociopaths, and basically any person within viewing range with any sense of aesthetic decency.

There is no known medical cure for the emosexual, however therapies that have succeeded in the past include: maturing emotionally past the age of eight, getting a reasonably well-paying job after college and turning into a yuppie, and successful wrist-cutting.

*A seventeen year old boy sits at a table in the cafeteria. His face is covered in pancake makeup. He writes with heavy tears streaming down his acne-scarred, piercing-riddled face*

Guy 1: Woah, man. What's wrong with that guy? Did his dog get shot?
Guy 2: Oh him? His parents bought him an iphone for Christmas and paid for the Prince Albert he wanted. He said he's writing deep existential poetry about how his life feels empty now that he can't complain about his parents.
Guy 1: Fucking emosexuals.

by Timmy Gunderson February 9, 2011