elevator captain

The person who stands in front of the buttons in the elevator and asks everyone what floor they would like pushed. Not to be confused with elevator attendant or operator. The elevator captain is just some doofus who insists on standing really close to the buttons so he/she can be the only one to push them.

The dork who thought he was the elevator captain leered at me when I asked him to push "69."

by The Pirate of Pissants February 18, 2006

Restroom jazz hands

The various motions people use trying to get the hand air dryer to start in a public restroom.

Man, that guy made restroom jazz hands for over a minute before he figured out the air dryer didn't work.

by The Pirate of Pissants July 18, 2013

burrito

Perjorative slang for a Beretta handgun (as carried by a military person or federal cop)

My burrito is rusty and it rattles so bad I can't hit the side of a barn.

by The Pirate of Pissants February 18, 2006

Facebook Proxy

When somebody looking over your shoulder tells you to post something on somebody's Facebook page, when you have no desire to leave a message for that person.

Girlfriend: "Hey! Post Happy Birthday" on your nephews Facebook page !"

Me: "I don't even know him. He is my sister's son."

Girlfriend: "Just do it !"

Me: "Yes, m'am-you are a Facebook Proxy."

by The Pirate of Pissants October 29, 2010