Telford Prisoner no. 270602's definitions
Telford is, as kindly as I can say, an absolute shithole that is ridden by left-behind patriots, drugged up sociopaths and people who were born in the 1940s and have seemingly never left. I've lived here for 18 years and I can politely say that Telford is a lovely place, if you're counting down the hours until God kills you (if the Severn Trent Water's scythe doesn't capture your soul first) or you're a deaf, blind mute who got on the wrong train and arrived here.
Telford does have some lovely features, however. It is known for kickstarting the Industrial Revolution, the first ever Ironbridge, being the teen pregnancy capital of the UK and being one of the only places where all of it's Reform UK supporters wouldn't even fit in the Royal Albert Hall.
It's the Midlands equivalent of Burnley and waking up here is almost like getting hit in the balls with a spiked bat, then asking the person who hit you to do it everyday for the rest of your life. In simpler terms, it's not a nice place.
Telford does have some lovely features, however. It is known for kickstarting the Industrial Revolution, the first ever Ironbridge, being the teen pregnancy capital of the UK and being one of the only places where all of it's Reform UK supporters wouldn't even fit in the Royal Albert Hall.
It's the Midlands equivalent of Burnley and waking up here is almost like getting hit in the balls with a spiked bat, then asking the person who hit you to do it everyday for the rest of your life. In simpler terms, it's not a nice place.
1)
Road Sign: "Welcome to TELFORD"
Driver: takes a heavy sip out of hip flask "shit."
2)
Banner: "TELFORD: if you've given up and are waiting to die, this is the place for you. If you've lived thirteen years and not yet been chased by three lads wearing the same tracksuit, you're doing good."
Road Sign: "Welcome to TELFORD"
Driver: takes a heavy sip out of hip flask "shit."
2)
Banner: "TELFORD: if you've given up and are waiting to die, this is the place for you. If you've lived thirteen years and not yet been chased by three lads wearing the same tracksuit, you're doing good."
by Telford Prisoner no. 270602 July 5, 2025
Get the Telfordmug.