Scotty Nice's definitions

Speed Racer Yard Sale

When your wife is shitfaced and you want some trim, so as soon as you get in the house you race upstairs in order to get some before she passes out. With boots, jeans and undies flying all over you lay into it before she goes catatonic.

Trudie and I were out drinking last night and she got so shitfaced I had to pull the Speed Racer Yard Sale before she passed out. She didn't remember it the next morning and wondered why our room looked like a skiing accident.

by Scotty Nice December 11, 2019

Christine's cum filled Cribbage

When a man is able to achieve his three greatest pleasures in one sitting by reading a Stephen King novel, playing online cribbage and having your butthole filled with man mayo.

I was talking to my buddy and learned he loves three things - reading Stephen King novels, playing cribbage and getting butt fucked. He then proceeded to tell me for some reason that after he got home one night and his family was out of town, he picked up and started to read Christine by Stephen King, played online cribbage and then had a male prostitute given him a prostate exam with his erect wiener. He succeeded in getting Christine's cum filled Cribbage. Wild stuff.

by Scotty Nice October 18, 2023

Mickey’s hat of despair

When you take your family to the magical world of Disney and spend five days in scorching ball dripping heat, getting run over by heifers in electric scooters and spending more than half your salary on Mickey shaped treats while getting in two rides a day and all you come away with is a hat with a picture of that mother fucker on the front.

My husband was so angry when we were finally leaving Disney that to commemorate the financial destruction we had just gone though he decided to buy one last thing, Mickey’s hat of despair. I’m not sure we will ever recover.

by Scotty Nice June 16, 2023

Stiff as a Ball

When you see someone hitting a golf ball and you feel bad for them because you assume they have prosthetic legs. Their ability to flex and move their lower extremities is so bad that you imagine they were hit by a train as a child or had polio because their parents were anti-vaxxers.

So I was watching this guy tee off the other day and I felt so sad thinking of what happened to them as a child. Then I watched them walk away and it was perfectly normal. He was stiff as a ball hitting a golf shot, but walked fine. Really bizarre, must be at least a 10 handicap without an actual handicap.

by Scotty Nice July 27, 2023

Daniel-San

The two strokes after the Sexy Slide where you put your hammer in and out twice while simultaneously honking her nose with your knuckles and making an audible “honk, honk” noise.

Yo last night Trudie and I was gettin to it and I gave her the Daniel-San right after the Sexy Slide. I honked so loud the neighbors thought Ringling was in town.

by Scotty Nice September 5, 2019

Stranger Dane-ger

When a middle aged golfer gets drunk on the course and attempts to pick up on the cart girl, even though he is married. He tosses down a few White Claws and some awful lines that didn't even work 10 years prior thinking he has a chance to get up in her britches.

Holy shit, Trudie was the cart girl today and Dane asked her if she'd ever seen a lefty "drive it that hard". Jesus, Stranger Dane-ger

by Scotty Nice November 5, 2019

Rooty Tooty fresh and Doody

When you get shitfaced with your girl and stop at IHOP and have breakfast before going home, then you have wild hot sex and when she orgasms her bowels release a fiery mess of anus oil all over the bedsheets.

Oh man, Trudie and I went to IHOP last night after getting shitfaced. We got home and I thought everything was fine but then she unleashed a Rooty tooty fresh and doody. She passed out and I had to clean it up, so we broke up

by Scotty Nice January 15, 2020