The misanthrope's currently-plausible excuse.
"We can't be too careful, can we?", he said, avoiding his friend's extended elbow and backing away. While everyone was doing it, he'd always done it, his antisocial distancing now conveniently disguised as responsible social distancing.
by Monkey's Dad March 14, 2020
The new Fear of Flying, where people on a plane are inches apart and, once seated beside someone coughing, there is nowhere to escape.
Advised to distance himself from other humans, needing to get to Chicago, he assessed the flight risk and decided to drive.
by Monkey's Dad March 18, 2020
In 2020, a patriotic march for a wounded nation.
A version of Stars and Stripes Forever, a piece which in show business was historically called "the Disaster March". When theaters and circuses had house bands, this march was a code signaling a life-threatening emergency. Except for impending disaster, circus bands never played the tune under any circumstances
A version of Stars and Stripes Forever, a piece which in show business was historically called "the Disaster March". When theaters and circuses had house bands, this march was a code signaling a life-threatening emergency. Except for impending disaster, circus bands never played the tune under any circumstances
July 4th approaching, feeling America at a moment of life-threatening disaster, he found himself whistling Scars and Stripes Forever, hoping it would not be forever, that our national fortunes would improve.
by Monkey's Dad July 01, 2020
As thousands of Californians stormed the beach to protest stay-at-home orders, the Coronavirus joined them in singing "Surf City, here we come!
by Monkey's Dad May 02, 2020
He had squandered his youth and was now beset by retropathy, needing to do it again and do it better. He would quit his job, find his first car and buy it back, find his old girlfriend and they'd hit the road. He'd wake up one morning and be twenty again. He was sure of it.
by Monkey's Dad October 30, 2021
Deriving gratification, sexual or otherwise, from exposing one's naked facial orifices, flirting with the risk to self and others of suffering, pain and death. Refusing to wear a mask in public, during the COVID-19 pandemic. Sadism and Maskochism combined.
Knowing he might be infecting other people, or that he might get infected, he strode barefaced into the crowd, feeling the thrill of public nakedness, thrilled by his sadomaskochism.
by Monkey's Dad June 12, 2020
The sexual urges you are told when young are sinful, and that you are not supposed to feel, but hey.
Staring into the stern, reprimanding face of Sister Mary-Grace, she wondered if her libado was visible, thinking, as she was, such forbidden thoughts.
by Monkey's Dad March 05, 2020