Jim E. Junk's definitions

I'll have you know that I was drunk

Excuse for the most embarrasing acts one can do. Often ends with: at the time of the fight, mooning, streaking, gay orgy, party, chumba wumba dance, felching, belching, farting, public Defecation, vomiting, monkey licking, pole humping, and the list goes on and on. Sometimes said as: I'll have you know that me and: the monkey, sasquatch, your girlfriend, or monkey sasquatch girlfriend, were both drunk at the time. If you're a recovering alcoholic, don't use it after you beat the crap out of a liquor store owner.

I'll have you know that I was drunk at the time of the floor buffer incident.

by Jim E. Junk March 15, 2006

piercings

A way to be different. Piercings show individuality.

I got some piercings. Everybodys doing it!

by Jim E. Junk April 16, 2006

Brick Layer

A person who takes a monstrous dump in a public bathroom and doesn't flush. Usually there is a posse of poopers like this (a Brick Layer's union) who will build an unflushable wall of turds. This is mainly done to offend people and piss them and the janitor off.

I was going to take a shit at the Dollar General crapper, but a bunch of brick layers had been there and clogged the toilet up. I admired their pile and wished I could lay such a brick but sadly, I haven't had a solid turd in years.

by Jim E. Junk May 3, 2006

Ass fire

A rare but frightening incident that occurs when the friction of rough anal sex causes dingleberries to ignite and catch the recievers ass on fire. Has only happened when a little too much alcohol was involved and the giver had a little too much lead in his pencil.

I used to date this one hot girl, but then she got drunk at a party with Chuck Norris and a horrible ass fire resulted.

by Jim E. Junk May 23, 2006

Guy Like

Pronounced "Gee like". This is a disturbing yet memorable quote from Guy LeDouche on MXC. Your name doesn't have to be Guy to say it, but it's funniest when said as GUY LIKE! instead of FRED LIKE! etc. In writing, a proper following statement to GUY LIKE! is AHAHAHAHAAA!!!!. Which is Guy's perverted laugh. The proper uses are :
1) After an idea, statement, or action you like has been proposed or said.
2) In a romantic situation, it can be considered playful.
3) When that skanky ugly bitch with the mole at the tavern is hitting on you again. Should be shouted as loud as possible with the word "not" inserted.

1) Dude 1: "Hey, let's go buy some cheap beer and some porn."
Dude 2: "GUY LIKE!"
2) Chick: "Hey, wanna have some fun big boy?"
Dude: "GUY LIKE!"
3) Skanky ugly bitch: "Hi Jim. You're a sexy beast! Wanna have a little fun tonight with just you, me, the mayor, Jerry, Bill, Hairy Sacks, Hugh G. Rection, The president, Warren Zevon, ZZ top, the Pope, the entire population of Denver Colorado and Donny Baker?"
Dude: "GUY NO LIKE!"

by Jim E. Junk April 16, 2006

black dog

Song by Led Zeppelin that rocks. However, it never once mentions "black dog". Probably named so because of the afore-mentioned definition. So I guess it makes you feel like that. Or because Robert Plant was on crack. That crazy bastard.

Led Zeppelin was cool. Black dog was cool too. I love your Mom.

by Jim E. Junk April 16, 2006

Floor Buffer

The best invention ever! Our High School had a whole fleet of floor buffers. I would hijack one and ride it around for hours and make the floor sparkly clean too! Then once a high speed chase took place and I overturned the buffer. Sadly, the buffer things were going at full speed and my scrotum never stood a chance. I really miss my 3 and a half testicles.

Always wear a seat belt when hijacking a floor buffer.

by Jim E. Junk May 22, 2006