Jason L.'s definitions

MAD

Recently acquired by DC Comics, it's the best humor magazine EVER. Sure, there's a handful of commercial advertisements in its pages nowadays, but who cares about that?

Features content such as movie/TV show satires, Spy Vs. Spy, offbeat comic strips, etc. MAD's mascot since its inception, Alfred E. Neuman, is on every cover in some humorous fashion.

The magazine has also spun-off a fairly good TV series, "Mad TV," which airs in reruns on Comedy Central. Basically, Saturday Night Live on steroids. ;-)

Over the years, MAD has driven its competitor, CRACKED, into the dust.

by Jason L. March 25, 2005

Uncle Fester

That bald old-ass guy from "The Addams Family."

"The Addams Family started,
When Uncle Fester farted,
They all became retarded,
The Addams Family!"

by Jason L. March 2, 2005

Iago

Jafar's parrot, from Disney's animated feature film "Aladdin." His voice was acted by Gilbert Gottfried.

"I can't take it anymore!"

by Jason L. March 2, 2005

Justy

A sub-compact car made by Subaru, from 1987-1994. Like the Geo Metro and Chevy Sprint, it used a 3-cylinder engine. The Justy engine had a larger displacement volume, though -- 1189cc vs. 993cc.

The only drawback is that it wasn't designed to to be driven FAST on the highway. But if it's not pushed to its limits, it'll certainly hold out longer than most of that American crap on the road today.

With the ever-rising gas prices, we may have to drive Justy's from now on. But will America's growing waistlines be able to fit into a mini-car like that?

by Jason L. July 20, 2005

FWI

Fucking While Intoxicated.

Getting drunk off your ass leads to lowered inhibitions... and sometimes, waking up next to an ugly beast in the morning.

John couldn't get a date, so he hung out in the bar and drank... and drank... and drank, and then left with the first person who said yes. When he went back to school on Monday morning, he was the laughing stock, and his classmates charged him with FWI.

by Jason L. August 31, 2007

Punisher, The

One of the best video games EVER made. Based on the comic book of the same name, "The Punisher" was a Capcom CPS-1 game that hit arcades in 1993, and would be released on Sega Genesis the following year.

Oddly enough, the game also features Nick Fury, who starred in an entirely different comic book.

I am... The Punisher! If you're guilty, you're dead.

by Jason L. April 19, 2005

Bess

A server-level Internet filtering service used by many public schools, which blocks out adult content, email access, personal webmastering accounts, and anything that is construed to be "fun." It's basically "censorship," any way you look at it.

Unfortunately, access to educational materials is blocked, due to technicalities.

For example, one would be hard-pressed to pull up the text of "Romeo and Juliet," because there is a line that says "Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast!"

Of course, Romeo is referring to the heart, and not the female breast, in this sense; but the filtering program does not understand that.

Eventually, students will be presented with a "Bess Can't Go There" screen, whenever they try to access ANYTHING online.

by Jason L. April 14, 2005