Definitions by Jack Jismouth

Cabbage Patch Stalker 

A hideous looking stalker of the third kind that resembles the apperance of a 'cabbage patch kid' from the classic 1980s collectors cards. They will stop at nothing to stalk their unwitting victims and subject them to their ungainly mis-shapen ugly form, offering unlimited freaky sex. Many victims have never recovered from one of these hideous encounters.

Everything was fine in the office until the daylight was shut out by the unwitting rise of the cabbage patch stalker in front of the windows.. no man survived that day..

Cabbage Patch Stalker by Jack Jismouth August 14, 2009

Briggsyenteering 

Among the arty bohemian circles, orienteering became an obsolete practice as it was considered too working class. Therefore a new form was arranged after several meetings held at Tate Modern which involved leading youngsters through the woods to a maze of phallic topiery where they were never seen again. What happened to them one can only imagine, as it occured during the Briggsy era of modern art where rabid dwarves roamed freely in woods and commons.

If you ever go orienteering and come across any fanny privet or helmet hedges, you know you've been tricked into briggsyenteering.. get out of there as fast as you can..

Briggsyenteering by Jack Jismouth August 1, 2009

fanny privet

The result of hacking a hedge into a minge like structure using phallic topiery skills.

Can also be the terminology of a lady's thick chuff hair being so dense that it forms a defensive jizz barrier.

"Her fanny privet was so thick it could have thatched Shakespeare's roof"

fanny privet by Jack Jismouth August 1, 2009

magnolia minge 

The plainest most boring snatch you could ever set eyes on. After five mins of cunnilingus you feel like you need to change the curtains.

"It was a case of magnolia minge, and I'm talking matt coated, there was no sign of gloss"

magnolia minge by Jack Jismouth August 1, 2009

hucknall farthing 

A common term for a hucknall girl that everyone's had a piece of. Different to most other ' village bicycles' as the analogy is based on the penny farthing, a 'bike' that stands out from all other 'bikes'. In other words a hideous slag that whores herself out to anyone and everyone to appease her small minded insecurities.

"Did you get your end away last night?"

"Yeah of course. Got myself a piece of that hucknall farthing"

"Best get yourself down that clinic tomorrow then son"

hucknall farthing by Jack Jismouth August 1, 2009

Whaling 

The act of having sex with a fat girl who's fanny flaps resemble the tail fin of a diving humpback whale.

"I don't understand why the Japanese like whaling so much. Have they got no taste?"

Whaling by Jack Jismouth August 1, 2009

trawlermen

The term for mentally challenged lager louts that trawl the streets on a saturday night looking to catch the easiest fish and unknowing surprise of saltwater crabs. In this field, catching the biggest fish is not usually regarded as an achievement.

"Did you see the trawlermen move in on that whale? disgusting.."

trawlermen by Jack Jismouth August 1, 2009