The grizzliest machismo in all of manhood. Peasants cower in fear as his masculine sideburns bring down the wrath of God in their poor villages. You think you may have seen him before, but rest assured, if you had, your loins would have already frothed with passion and your mind would have his image carved until the ends of the earth. This is Ruben.
Ruben touched my bed the other day. I am forever blessed.