1 definition by Imoknu
Hell’s waiting room. Voted best place to die, 2018. Voted Best place to retire during a global Pandemic, 2020 & 2021, consecutively. Upscale coastal South Florida Gulf resort town tethered to its past glory as the home of the freak Ringling Brothers Circus. Populated by wealthy retirees, snowbirds, and witness protection clients. Visitors notoriously have no access to the internet. They must rely on interrupting local residents as if they were staff in an all-inclusive resort.
Zero local economy or unique character outside of Siesta Key Beach. Substandard medical infrastructure. Beach is frequently named America’s top destination within a 3 year time period. Parking is impossible when the heat index is below 110°F.
Shopping is the main activity aside from the beach. Retail consists of the usual national chains, big malls, Tommy Bahamaesque haberdasheries, and Chinese-imported seashell-laden tchotchke shops. Approximately four restaurants have kitchens that are open past 9pm.
Once known for an inexplicably giant statue of a sailor kissing a nurse on VJ Day, the piece was relocated to make way for a trendy 19-way roundabout at the city’s waterfront.
The city’s future looks bright though, as two hotels have been approved for construction on Siesta Key. This has inflamed the relationship between Island residents and the city though, because improving the single tourist attraction for the entire county seems anathema to those who reside near said beach.
Zero local economy or unique character outside of Siesta Key Beach. Substandard medical infrastructure. Beach is frequently named America’s top destination within a 3 year time period. Parking is impossible when the heat index is below 110°F.
Shopping is the main activity aside from the beach. Retail consists of the usual national chains, big malls, Tommy Bahamaesque haberdasheries, and Chinese-imported seashell-laden tchotchke shops. Approximately four restaurants have kitchens that are open past 9pm.
Once known for an inexplicably giant statue of a sailor kissing a nurse on VJ Day, the piece was relocated to make way for a trendy 19-way roundabout at the city’s waterfront.
The city’s future looks bright though, as two hotels have been approved for construction on Siesta Key. This has inflamed the relationship between Island residents and the city though, because improving the single tourist attraction for the entire county seems anathema to those who reside near said beach.
After his divorce, we never heard from him again. He was last seen in Sarasota working one of those metal-detector things on #siestakeybeach trying to make rent money.
by Imoknu January 13, 2022