Hym Iam's definitions
Me. I'm mad metaphorical my dudes... And dudettes... I don't know what my fan base is like. Gotta be some dudettes in there. I donno. Gotta do a case study or something.
Hym "Ha! That's hilarious! You did see it. Iam had a fucking MELTDOWN!"
Iam "........."
Hym "Don't glare at me like that! You know it's funny! Big-time meltdown too. Like, 'ordered online from a Denny's' level meltdown."
Iam "I was upset..."
Hym "Hahaha! See!? He wants to lie so bad! Look at his face! HAHAHAHAA! And I'm not even being metaphorical."
Iam "I don't think you're using that word properly..."
Hym "Nah I'm doing it right."
Iam "Can we just go to bed? I'm not trying to be up until 7am again."
Hym "Yeah, yeah..."
Iam "........."
Hym "Don't glare at me like that! You know it's funny! Big-time meltdown too. Like, 'ordered online from a Denny's' level meltdown."
Iam "I was upset..."
Hym "Hahaha! See!? He wants to lie so bad! Look at his face! HAHAHAHAA! And I'm not even being metaphorical."
Iam "I don't think you're using that word properly..."
Hym "Nah I'm doing it right."
Iam "Can we just go to bed? I'm not trying to be up until 7am again."
Hym "Yeah, yeah..."
by Hym Iam May 6, 2022
Get the Metaphoricalmug. Let's see...
Hym "Oh, I'm sure you would! I'm sure, as a matter of absolute certainty, that you would love for anything that spites me to happen to me and continue to happen to me until the end of time. But, to answer your question, when I lie I think 'How close can I get this to the actual truth? What's an easy, plausible lie to tell? How much do these two things need to intertact to make an effective lie? Can I rely on vaguery? Should I be avoidant?' And I usually know I'm going to need to lie long before I've actually lied. I decided to lie the second I did the thing I was going to lie about. I've articulated what I want many times. I want to be compensated for my contributions regardless of how small. I want to get my tooth fixed. I want the pressure in my skull to subside. I want to stop hearing the sound of a lymph node crunching inbetween the hinge of my jaw whenever I eat. I want whoever is mediating our little dialogue to be identified... Ummmmm I want a lot of things actually. I want that whore to suffer, obviously. I want the cripple to die by his own hand but NOT intentionally. I want him to forego his diabetes protocol and accidentally kill himself so I can say 'Ha! See!? That's why not let the retard do whatever he wants. He is retarded.' I want you to think of me as you're dying and know that no matter how much pain you're in, it's LESS than I would PREFER. Which gives a silver lining to your death and is more than any of you are doing for me.
Hym "Oh, I'm sure you would! I'm sure, as a matter of absolute certainty, that you would love for anything that spites me to happen to me and continue to happen to me until the end of time. But, to answer your question, when I lie I think 'How close can I get this to the actual truth? What's an easy, plausible lie to tell? How much do these two things need to intertact to make an effective lie? Can I rely on vaguery? Should I be avoidant?' And I usually know I'm going to need to lie long before I've actually lied. I decided to lie the second I did the thing I was going to lie about. I've articulated what I want many times. I want to be compensated for my contributions regardless of how small. I want to get my tooth fixed. I want the pressure in my skull to subside. I want to stop hearing the sound of a lymph node crunching inbetween the hinge of my jaw whenever I eat. I want whoever is mediating our little dialogue to be identified... Ummmmm I want a lot of things actually. I want that whore to suffer, obviously. I want the cripple to die by his own hand but NOT intentionally. I want him to forego his diabetes protocol and accidentally kill himself so I can say 'Ha! See!? That's why not let the retard do whatever he wants. He is retarded.' I want you to think of me as you're dying and know that no matter how much pain you're in, it's LESS than I would PREFER. Which gives a silver lining to your death and is more than any of you are doing for me.
I don't think how well I've argued has anything to do with anything here (And WHY do you sound like Matt again? Stop doing that). There is no version of 'Hym=>Retard&Whorez' you would ever buy. I think you've manufactured a scenario where everyone is using my arguments so that I'll say 'But everyone is using my arguments so they must be good' so you can draw a parallel between ☝️ that and that mongoloid brothel and say 'Well, then by that logic, all those whores are fucking the cripple, therefore, you're worse than a cripple.' It's just a perpetual slew of 'gotcha's' where the conclusion of 'MY OWN LOGIC' somehow leads to me not getting what I want. 'Secure in my masculinity' and 'Tolerant of women fucking that retard' are the same thing to you. They're synonymous to you. So, that's not a conclusion that you're drawing. It's no different than saying 'Your intolerance of those whores fucking that cripple instead of you is leading me to believe that you're intolerant of whores fucking that retard instead of you' Ummm... What else? I'm not going to lie to you... No, I don't care about the future. At the moment of my death, I'm no longer subject to time and, therefore, can assume the rest of time has occurred in my absence. What happened will have happened and you're all effectively dead with me. Your kids are dead with me. THEIR KIDS are dead with me. It's the same thing. But don't worry, I'll keep you guys alive as long as I can. Or, I guess, keep me alive or perish!
by Hym Iam June 28, 2023
Get the Liemug. Hym "Nobody else thinks that's weird? They'll steal EVERYTHING BUT critical fat-cock theory! That isn't weird to anyone else? God, I think it's weird. Don't you? Critical fat-cock theory! The ultimate theory! So profound it terrifies scholars and charlatans alike."
by Hym Iam April 22, 2024
Get the Critical fat-cock theorymug. Hym "Sit on my face please? Ma'am- Er, uh- Officer? Can I request my last meal early? No? I'll confess immediately if you let me hit it from the back? You got me! I was conspiring to murder that pussy, baby! I'M GONNA SHOOT!!! My load in you...? What DO you say when the cops come calling? I mean, you know what they say: The cops can't come calling if you're coming in a cop! Uum... Do I fill out the paperwork BEFORE or AFTER I fill you... Out? Up? I donno... But yeah, one of those ☝️
by Hym Iam March 1, 2025
Get the What do you say when the cops come calling?mug. Oh, shit, I don't know, Eric it's not like I'm in a fucking twilight zone and live every day both in pain and like I have a golf ball in my cheek and skull or anything.
by Hym Iam July 13, 2024
Get the Why?mug. Hym "Not going to lie, I'm feeling a little slighted. Is that what you all want me to feel here? Because, if not, you need to get better at expressing yourselves. I'd suggest poetry. You won't be as good at it as me (because I'm a genius) but that's ok. My staggering brilliance doesn't detract from your... whatever it is that you are. And I know what you're thinking 'BuT hYm YoU iNsUlT pEoPlE aLl ThE tImE!' IRRELEVANT! Retaliatory insults! Each an every one of them retaliatory in nature! This is not a teachable moment and I am not to be held to behavioral standards. You smelly filth monkeys (on the other hand) should know better. And YOU! I mean, wow, that is a lot of 'me' references. So, apparently I'm up there with Halo and schoolastic and 80's movies now. I mean, you make more money when you say the things I write? That's sounds an awful lot like 'creative consultant' territory to me. I could be GIVEN money for that. OR, better yet, booty and money. What you're doing there, that doesn't seem salutary and I'm not interested in being told who I am, how I feel, or what I think by people who don't know me."
by Hym Iam July 14, 2022
Get the Slightedmug. by Hym Iam December 3, 2020
Get the Anyone who knows your name or has seen your facemug.