In essence, a Mustard Patch is the remains of an "Aristocratic-style" proportion drunken affair in which a moist and viscous collection of various yellow bodliy fluids (both male and female) is deposited.
"Wow, Jerry. We were so drunk last night that I woke up with a Mustard Patch and I couldn't shower 'cause my folks showed up and I was late for work. I spent the whole day apologizing."
by Hexicon June 24, 2006
After sex with a condom the mustard patch or tardy patch becomes an issue so you leave the room to find something to clean up the mustardy goo. You invariably end up in the kitchen where you pick out the grimy dirty yellow dish cloth that will serve as clean-up. You then hang it back up since it's done it's job.
I wonder if I should tell my roommates about the german hanky I used to clean up my tard patch. Hmm, on second thought maybe not.
by hexicon September 13, 2006
The instance in which a pornstar on her knees takes a cock in each hand, taking turns. Imagine that she is there by herself jerking first the right hand and then the left hand above her head and you'll get the idea.
We went to the corporate dinner/after hours and we met the vice-president of Purchasing... and sometime after last call Nathan and I go to her place. Antlers.
by Hexicon December 29, 2006
After you have sex and you pull your penis out of your condom and the stuff inside spills out onto your partners pubic hair.
by hexicon September 13, 2006
If you are too late in keeping the spill of your condom from dripping onto your partner you have a tardy patch! It comes from mustard patch which I heard these cheerleaders back in high school talking about in front of my locker.
Babycakes, I left my tardy patch on your quilt. Sweetie Pie get out of my bed please and go take a bath.
by hexicon September 13, 2006
Prison term for throwing or rubbing pepper or jalapeño in the eyes of an unsuspecting victim in the shower before taking advantage and buggering him. Meant to describe getting the worst of a disadvantage in any situation.
Larry this is worse that a Jalapeño Popper... My boss just fucking screwed me! He's taking away my IM!
by Hexicon September 27, 2006
When you have a mustard patch or tardy patch and all the dead sperm spills onto your lover. Usually yellow in color. Mustardy smell due to the latex-sperm combo.
Don't worry baby; it's mustard seed sperm... you'll be fine. Let me get you a german hanky so we can clean you all up.
by hexicon September 13, 2006