Someone who obsessivley talks to apples and has a conversation lasting at least 3.18 minutes (why 3.18? because when added up it equals 12) Appleocalists are a spinoff of the discrete religion Applelocalism lasting 32 minutes (why 32? because eerrm YEAH!) In Deal Kent in the UK.
"Dood, Did yuu know Barry was a... You know."
"What? You mean an Appleocalist?"
Someone who talks through an apple whether it be with an apple in their mouth, microphone powered by an apple or (exceptions have been made for) someone who is talking to an apple (appleocalist) see Appleocalism as a religious movement.
Pompously "Well, I must say you do taste quite ripe! Even if I am a little Appleocal." with any thing from a lisp to an incappobility of pronouncing 'R's (Rhondicism<Fact<)