1 definition by 681681
When a man attempts to get a girlfriend (or boyfriend) by first being their friend, then hoping to transition that to being their boyfriend. After they've been their friend for a while with no sexual tension being built up, he asks her out, with her saying something along the lines of "I don't think of you that way and I don't want to jeopardize what we have."
The people who've experienced this are almost-exclusively men who don't have many social skills, especially with romance. Many of them have had few (if any) sexual partners, very little self-esteem, not much confidence, a lot of anxiety, and possibly some minor depression (if not severe), which is WHY they have so few social skills.
It's only made worse by the fact that a LOT of women who say "a guy said I friend-zoned him" don't really try to HELP him. Saying you're not interested is one thing, but GENUINELY trying to understand why he's so hurt by that and figuring out ways to help him get a girlfriend is another.
The unspoken aspect of this is that this usually occurs when a modest-looking man tries to attract a more-attractive woman using their personality, since they wouldn't be able to if they just used their looks.
To be fair, women DO put higher importance on personality than men do, and it usually DOES overpower looks in importance, so there's nothing wrong with a guy trying to get a more-attractive woman using his personality, but application of that is very complex.
The people who've experienced this are almost-exclusively men who don't have many social skills, especially with romance. Many of them have had few (if any) sexual partners, very little self-esteem, not much confidence, a lot of anxiety, and possibly some minor depression (if not severe), which is WHY they have so few social skills.
It's only made worse by the fact that a LOT of women who say "a guy said I friend-zoned him" don't really try to HELP him. Saying you're not interested is one thing, but GENUINELY trying to understand why he's so hurt by that and figuring out ways to help him get a girlfriend is another.
The unspoken aspect of this is that this usually occurs when a modest-looking man tries to attract a more-attractive woman using their personality, since they wouldn't be able to if they just used their looks.
To be fair, women DO put higher importance on personality than men do, and it usually DOES overpower looks in importance, so there's nothing wrong with a guy trying to get a more-attractive woman using his personality, but application of that is very complex.
Joshua: "Is that *band shirt/book/food/anything like that*? *Band/book/food/whatever's being referenced* is amazing! I love *band/book/food/etc.*!"
Emmi: "I know, right? You're the first person I've seen get so animated about it!"
***Joshua hasn't said anything that would make Emmi think he finds her attractive-- like being specific about something he likes about her face or body or saying how cute she is in a clever way, or even saying outright that she's sexy-- and hasn't for months.***
Joshua: "So, Ems... I know you've been talking a lot about how lonely you've been over the last few months and how bored you are on the weekends now cuz' you've got nothing to do, so would you like to go on a date with me this Saturday?"
Emmi: "Oooh... Wow... Josh, look, I love you and your one of my besties, and I mean we have so much in common, but I just... I really don't think I can do that. I'm sorry. I don't think that would be a good idea."
Joshua: "... Did you just fucking friend zone me?"
Emmi: "I know, right? You're the first person I've seen get so animated about it!"
***Joshua hasn't said anything that would make Emmi think he finds her attractive-- like being specific about something he likes about her face or body or saying how cute she is in a clever way, or even saying outright that she's sexy-- and hasn't for months.***
Joshua: "So, Ems... I know you've been talking a lot about how lonely you've been over the last few months and how bored you are on the weekends now cuz' you've got nothing to do, so would you like to go on a date with me this Saturday?"
Emmi: "Oooh... Wow... Josh, look, I love you and your one of my besties, and I mean we have so much in common, but I just... I really don't think I can do that. I'm sorry. I don't think that would be a good idea."
Joshua: "... Did you just fucking friend zone me?"
by 681681 August 19, 2017