Tubicus was a great orangutan warlord who ruled over northeast
asia during the Yin dynasty. He used to wear the heads of enemys in a chain around his neck and was renouned for his ferousity. He died in the middle of the
Mai dynasty when a jealous contender for his throne took matters into their own hands and rammed a white hot poker up his
ass. He was buried on
top of Mount Syan and the whole of Asia spent 3 months in mourning.