The Trojan War was a war between the Trojan army and a bunch of queers from Greece. The only heterosexual in the entire Greek nation was some spartan dude named Menelaus, who was the mentally handicapped son of the dude from 300. One day, Paris, some dude from Troy, got a bj from this chick named Helen, who was Menelaus' wife. This pissed Menelaus off and he decided to go to war with the Trojans. His brother Agamemnon, who was the leader of most of the other Greek cities (Menelaus was always the slow child) decided to go to war with them.

The Trojans were the greatest, awesomest, strongest, and sexiest civilization of the time, but the Greeks gave it their all. The whole war lasted 10 years. The first 9 years were pretty motherfuckin' boring, but in the last year things got a little screwey. The champion of the Greek army was named Achilles, whose buttbuddy Patroclus got killed by some Trojan dude named Hector. Achilles was pissed off he needed to find another buttbuddy, and decided to challenge Hector to a fight. In the duel, Athena kind of Jewed Hector out of all his weapons, but Hector was still raping Achilles (medaphorically), until Hector slipped on one of Achilles' tubes of anal lube that he had dropped. Hector got a concussion and died. Achilles then tied Hector's dead body to the back of his chariot and rode it around Troy and back to the Greek camps, were he had violent anal sex with it (he liked them messy).

Just before Hector died, the race for the position o...

The time of which it takes to get your condom opened and on vs. the time you can maintain an erection without stimulation.

A war 3000 years ago, which actually probably never happened and is really a load of fuck made up by a Greek Nerd with small genitalia - i'm sure he had a statue commisioned which proves it - (but I'm not complaining because the movie was cool) between the Trojans and the Greeks, who got beat down for most of it and had to use a giant wooden, horse shaped dildo for the greek king with men inside to act as sperm, but who he forgot about and gave to the Trojans as a peace gift when he needed a bigger toy to win, as well as a lot more soldiers (but to be fair the Trojans did have massive walls to defend them and to fire arrows off). The Trojans were too pissed and comatose to give a fuck about the horse so they let it in because they fought apollo creed gave it to them as a gift for raping the hell out of the Greeks for most of the time and stealing their bitches.