1. (noun) A condition that occurs in a certain percentage of
human males whereby the face gradually and irreversibly widens with the advancing onset of middle-age, transforming a once devastatingly
handsome specimen of masculinity into a bloated parody of its former
glory. Also known as Laurence Fishburne Pumpkinhead Disorder or the Widening. There is no cure, nor does the physical fitness of the subject have any impact.