Tinky winky = The gender confused purple teletubby that is apparently the only post-pubesent teletubby . He sports a bright red purse and is quite the leader of the pack. He has an upside-down triangle on top of his head.
Dipsy = He is the second largest one, and green male of the group. He owns a rather pimp cowskin top hat, and his head-antenna thingy resemblesthat of an erect penis.
Laa-Laa = pronounced loh-loh as in the "o" sound in the word long is the largest female of them all and has a curly deal on her head. She is yellow, with a huge rubber ball that tends to entertain the group to a slobbery stupor until they are all fascinated by the physics of its spherical splendor.
Po = The short red one with the circle on her head. she often sounds as if she were high on helium. She owns 3-wheel scooter capable of speeds of 25 MPH or higher. It gets around 3 miles to the gallon, and has around 1 1/2 horsepower.
The noo-noo = The teletubbies enjoy consuming burnt toast and what looks like pink intestinal fluids called tubby custard. They then proceed to throw the pink goo on the floor along with the toast, as if it were an accident. Thats when the noo-noo comes in. The noo-noo is a vacuum cleaner that looks like snuffalupagus from sesame street. It proceeds to suck up all the rectal discharge that they call food, and the teletubbies scold and yell "bad noo-noo" repeatedly until it rolls on back to its hole in the wall.
Tinky-Winky: Tinky-Winky is a male teletubby and is purple in color. He is the largest of all of them. He has an upside-down triangle antenna on his head and carries around a cute little red clutch purse. Tinky-Winky may or may not be homosexual. His song goes 'Tinkle Winkle, Tinky-Winky, Woo woo woo woo woo...'
Dipsy: Dipsy is a male teletubby and is lime green in color. He is second largest of them all. His antenna is straight (like a dipstick... get it?) and he normally wears a rad cow-spotted top hat. He hates cute shit. His song goes 'bum tre bum bum tre bum'
Laa-Laa: Laa-Laa is a female teletubby and is yellow in color. She is second smallest of them all. Her antenna is curly and plays with an orange ball she has absolutely no control over. She is a total girly-girl and a total chatter box. She is always giggling and never sad. Her song goes 'la la la la la la la la'
Po: Po is a female teletubby and is red in color. She is smallest of them all. Her antenna is a circle and likes taking ride on a scooter. Po is shy and may or may not be a communist. Her song goes 'po po po po po po po'
Noo-Noo: Noo-Noo is a genderless vacuum cleaner with a mind of its own. Noo-Noo is normally found in the tubby's house cleaning up after them.
The Sun: The sun is just that... a sun. The only catch? The sun has a baby's face! The baby sun likes to look down on the teletubbies and laugh at them.
Kidnapped from their native habitat, they were strapped down hooting and screaming onto operation tables. Their stomachs were removed and replaced with a crude malfunctioning television set, which recieved its signals from a implanted attenna on the top of its head. Because the attenna's reciever must be outside of the body, a hole is drilled through the baby gorilla's brain, making a pathway to stick the electrical equipment through. Unfortunately, this only resulted in having the entire cast of teletubbies having the combined intelligence of tupperware.
To feed the disillusioned apes, a special diet consisting of purified ethanol (tubby toast), and lead paint oatmeal (tubby custard) to keep the seditious thoughts of the infants surpressed. A fake sun watches over them with a ensuringly peaceful baby's face on it to keep the tubbies close to their safety dome. When a tubby escapes, the sun makes a blood-curdling cry, calling upon the dome janitor, a robot vacuum cleaner named "snoo snoo" to hunt down and kill the escapee by devouring it with it's mighty vacuum, grinding the hapless tubby and using it's remains as fertilizer for the vast lush gardens surrounding the dome.
Occasionally when the time is just right, the tubbies may be able to recieve radio waves with their broken attennas, allowing them to eavesdrop on their human overseers, yet baffled by the simplest tasks we can do, such as showering or cooking an egg.
The sun (which has a babies face) is the "big brother" or communist leader that watches over their every actions, the teletubbies just playfully go along their merry way, not noticing the suns evil intent.
This show is brainwashing kids everywhere. We must stand together!