Skip to main content

shitistics 

calculating the mass of someones life time shit production based on their diet and health
Well... I know a man his age (76) should have produced about 24,320lbs (11,030 kg) of shit in his lifetime so far. If we convert those 76 years into days we have 27759 days. Now it is normal and healthy to have a bowel movement anywhere between three times a week to three times a day, but my dad always ate dinner at the same time and used the bathroom approximately once a day. Therefore we can conclude that he has shat approximately 27759 times in his lifetime, maybe a little less or a little more. If we divide those 24,320lbs he has dropped in his lifetime with the days he has lived, we should get 0,87lbs which is 0,39kg and therefore we can take a guess and say that his last shit weighted about 0,87 pounds or 0,39kg. Now the average weight of a human log is around 1/4 of a pound to 1 pound (or 0,11kg to 0,45kg). With this information we can tell that the turd was a little on the skinny side but he is healthy and probably doing well. This is shitistics.
shitistics by wanwanwan September 21, 2022
shitistics mug front
Get the shitistics mug.
See more merch

Sextistics 

Statistical data relating to sexual encounters.
The sextistics of XXX personal life defy belief
Sextistics by Psynce Friction April 1, 2009

Mormon/LDS stitistics 

everyone seems to be getting them wrong so here the record straight. these are the statictics as of apiral 2011

Worldwide Church Statistics

Membership 14,131,467

Missions 340

Missionaries 52,483

Missionary Training Centers 15

Temples (current 2011 number) 134

Congregations 28,660

Universities and Colleges 4

Seminary Students Enrollment 369,373

Institute Students Enrollment 348,111

Family History Centers 4,648

Countries with Family History Centers 127

Countries Receiving Humanitarian Aid Since 1985 178

Value of Humanitarian Assistance Since 1985 $1.3 Billions

Welfare Service Missionaries
(Including Humanitarian Service Missionaries) 8,583

Languages Church Materials Available 166

LDS Worldwide Statistics (Selected Countries):

Country Percent LDS Country Number of LDS

Tonga 46.0% USA 5,503,192

Samoa 36.0% Mexico 980,053

American Samoa 24.1% Brazil 897,091

Niue 12.0% Chile 534,754

Kiribati 10.7% Philippines 537,014

Tahiti 7.8% Peru 402,230

Cook Islands 8.3% Argentina 339,929

Marshall Islands 7.0% United Kingdom 180,095

Chile 3.3% Guatemala 196,777

Palau 2.1% Canada 166,442

USA 1.9%

Uruguay 2.5%

New Zealand 2.35%

Guatemala 1.34%

Honduras 1.6%

Bolivia 1.6%

Ecuador 1.2%

Peru 1.4%

Belize 1.0%
so yeah hope this clears some of the air that most LDS do not live in Utah.

Mormon/LDS stitistics

shitistics 

The mathematical process by which one or a group measures the quality and size of their shits. A way to compare shits between competing friends/enemies. There is an average shit for humanity, as taken by Jesus Christ unto St. Peter's face (the Holy Shit), and shits greater than or less than the Holy Shit is measured by standard deviation in terms of chippermonkeys. Shitistics apply to size, girth, smell, denisty, color, and toilet clogging ability. Shitistics are measured by a neutral arbiter in a "who took the biggest shit" dispute.
Jason: Shit dude, I took a huge shit this morning.

Matt: What are the shitistics you shithead?

Jason: Size: 1.2 chippermonkeys, Girth: 3.8 chippermonkeys, Smell: 2.8 chippermonkeys, Density: -1.9 chippermonkeys, Color: 0.2 chippermonkeys, Toilet Clogging: 10.0 chippermonkeys.

Matt: I guess thats a decent shit.

Jason: Shit, I had to buy new socks.

Matt: Tell Craig to come measure the shitistics on the deuce I just dropped.
shitistics by Cream Puff69 October 13, 2012

Sermistics Brain Disengrative Syndrome 

Sermistics Brain Disengrative Syndrome (SBDS) is a disease that was removed from the DSM. A person with this disease will have extreme heat in the brain and within 2 weeks will develop blurry vision, deafness, blindness, and Intellectual Disability. Other common things a person may experience are, seizures, dizziness, vomiting, stroke. They may also have delusions, night terrors, severe insomnia, and Fish Oder Syndrome.

A person with this disease will die within 8 months.
My brother has the disease, Sermistics Brain Disengrative Syndrome.
A statisitc that is shit. Totally obscure and rediculous statitic that A) isn't relevant to the topic being discussed or B) is clearly made up.
Today I read some shitistic that 95% of college students don't enjoy drinking.
Shitistic by Jeebusllama May 5, 2006
noun
1. falsified fact or datum, esp. one used to solidifying a petty argument
See bullshit
He presented some shitistic to support some faggonometric aim.
shitistic by Kariem September 19, 2007