Just recently I posted the following note very low on my refrigerator door.
"Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and
contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a
claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a
ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible I also know
that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the
other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by
some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -
canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other
dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough."
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on
the front door:
(1) They live here. You don't (2) If you don't want their hair on
your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it
'fur'-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters
who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4)
normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't
hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't
want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get
pregnant, you can sell their children."
- Is there anything interesting at the pet store?
- Yep, there are a couple of alligators on sale.
by alvit May 15, 2009
A derogatory term usually aimed at women.
Drunk guy: "You alright, pet?"
Girl: "Jog on, asshole."
by miguelmiguel March 28, 2011
Pussy Eating Triangle. Three women simultaneously eating each other out, forming a triangle.
I'd love to watch three hot girls perform a PET!
by Chi-TownCookie May 13, 2008
A PET, or Pussy Eating Tattoo, is a tattoo that a woman gets in the area below her belly button, between her hip bones, and above her vagina. The PET gets its name from being highly-visible and inches from your face while performing cunnilingus.
"Every time I go down on my girl, I feel like her tiger PET is staring back at me!"
by Micah, Mat, Pat April 24, 2007
an abbreviation for the word petrified
I got all up in his grill and he was pet. He didn't say one word, yo.
by Danielle October 17, 2003
Name which 419eaters/scambaiters use to define the scammers they bate.
My pet is confused again.
by Hoo Hoo Nick August 18, 2004
Pierre Elliot Trudeau. In my opinion the worst fucking prime minister ever. we use to not suck when Lester Pearson was the Prime guy. Then fuckin Trudeau comes in here thinkin he's so badass. Thank fuckin christ Joe Clark took the office after him. He sucked bad as well so we had no other choice but to bring old Elliot back in and have him suck more. thankfully, we got him out of office and now were back on task to kick all american asses bitches!
coach: alright mike, get in there for chris
chris: what? i dont need to come out! wow coach, way to be a p.e.t.
by randy maccormick July 06, 2006
Hey Danielle..yo mama was pet when you popped out of her breeder oven.
by Anonymous October 26, 2003

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