Although Melanie thought her mascara application was flawless, her eyelashes really looked like scary spiderlegs

After what seemed like hours, Melanie emerged from the bathroom, clutching her treasury of cosmetics in her gold-clipped komodo-dragon bag close to her breasts, as if in triumph. But so mascary was that face, as of a baleful Moon of Hecate, that Helmut clutched his belly and his mouth, and poor Benjamin swooned into the lap of Natasha -- ironically the last thing that Melanie could have wanted.