Caller to the National Milk Bank 800-number: "I need breast milk for my baby. You're a milk bank, so what do I need to do?"
National Milk Bank Representative: "We don't distribute the breast milk that's donated to us."
Caller: "Then who do you give the milk to?"
National Milk Bank Representative: "We sell it to Prolacta Bioscience."
Caller: "Oh I get it. When you say you're 'helping to save babies,' that's just marketspeak to dupe sympathetic women into donating milk to you so you can make money selling it to Prolacta. Thanks for the clarification!"
Big Corporation: Well, yes, but that's only if the item isn't damaged.
Customer: But "lifetime guarantee" means that the item will be replaced no matter what.
Big Corporation: Well, uh,...
Customer: Wait a minute, that was all a bunch of marketspeak, wasn't it?
Big Corporation: I cannot confirm or deny that statement.