jay-kuh N. A Jake is a common, intangible creature that normally thrives in upper middle-class suburbia.

Jakes are essentially synonymous with Chads, much like Craigs. Jakes are annoyingly white, spoiled, frat-boy types who live off their parent’s money and have never worked a day in their lives. They are raging douche faggots who wear nothing but Abercrombie & Fitch popped collar shirts, mesh trucker hats and too much hair gel. Personality-wise, they're hugely insensitive, stubborn, selfish and emotionally retarded, much like prepubescent 12-year old boys whose testicles have yet to drop. Even though they may act like stereotypical "nice guys,” when you first meet them, this is just a facade. A Jake lacks the ability to care for those other than himself.

The main difference between Jakes and Chads is that while Chads go out of their way to be massive cockblocks and actually do have sex with women, Jakes are usually sexually repressed, pussified fuck bags who have no game whatsoever and merely give the impression that they're getting laid on a regular basis. Do not be fooled, for the only action a Jake is getting is from his own hand, or in desperate cases, from raping small dogs and other household pets.

It is universally accepted that a Jake cannot be made a man, and that any woman hoping to land one will have to instead settle for making a Jake their bitch. Jakes fail at life, women, the internet and Chuck Norris jokes, and should generally be avoided at all costs.
"Dude, did you seriously just laugh at that girl after she told you she was anally raped fifteen consecutive times by Steve Buscemi? You are the biggest Jake I've ever met."

Girl: Hey, you're kind of cute. What's your name?
Jake: 'Sup, I'm Jake.
Girl: God, you are such an asshole. I hate you, goodbye.
Jake: I don't get it. What did I do?
Craig: It's because you said you're Jake.
Jake: So?
Craig: Everyone knows Jake is a douche. You should have said you were me.
by omgliekwtflol November 02, 2009
Top Definition
an amazing guy that is really funny and really adorable that you cant help but love .
wow, i really want a jake (:
by kaylan March 13, 2008
A extremely long penis of at least fourteen inches.
She told me she wanted it, so I just whipped out Jake and waxed dat azz!
by Knowledge Doctor May 05, 2008
Jake is the cutest boy you'll ever meet, or look at, he has great taste in music and has the most amazing hair ever, he's the best friend you'll never meet, he is loveable and caring, if somethings wrong he'll try to make everything better
I love you Jake <3
That boy is so cute. . .

Well he should be, he's a Jake.
by Breathe Carolina April 27, 2009
the police.
we was riden down the street and the jakes pulled us over.
by xtended klip aka lil logan August 15, 2002
A super hot, funny, compassionate, sweet, adorable guy (MAN). He always has a hot girlfriend and is really strong. His smile is contagious.
hot chick #1: I would kill myself if only I could see Jake's large, gigantic, masculine penis once before I died.

hot chick #2-200988340983409384098304983: YES!!! WE ALL WOULD!
by DUde 1093u04984 April 21, 2008
(N.) The most amazing guy anyone will ever meet. He's caring, sweet, compassionate, stunning, trustworthy, breathtaking, and the only guy that can completely sweep a girl off her feet. The one boy on the planet that knows how to treat a girl right and keep her smiling twenty four hours a day, three hundred sixty-five days a year. He's perfect from head to toe and there's no combination of words that could actually express how incredible he is. I love you baby<3
My boyfriend's name is Jake and he is the love of my life. There's no one that could ever replace him or love me the way he does.
by chanel saiid November 14, 2009
a being of extreme sexual nature. often refered to as a scientific breakthrough because no one can stare at him longer that 2 seconds without craping their pants on a count of his astonishing beauty.
"i dare you to stare at jake for 3 seconds"
"no problem!"
"1....2.... GOD DAMNIT!!!!"
by manbearpig69 April 12, 2008
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