the old pump and jerk 

1. An old fashioned reach around.

2. Getting screwed over.

1. Gay porn is built on the old pump and jerk.

2. Ignacio said he had my money but all I got was the old pump and jerk.

the old pump and jerk by themaskednwker September 14, 2013

Shirk and Jerk

To avoid doing work while on the clock whilst taking care of one's needs. Less euphemistically: to jack off at work.

I was feeling really stressed at work today, so I locked my office and closed the blinds for a good ol' shirk and jerk to relieve my tension before the board meeting. Totally killed the presentation!

Shirk and Jerk by daphunkeefeel1 July 8, 2012

twerk and jerk 

When you shake your ass in someone's face while jerking them off.

Guy 1: Yo did you see that chick's butt?
Guy 2: Yea I also heard she gives and nice twerk and jerk.
Guy 1: how do you know?
Guy 2: I was there...

twerk and jerk by thisguysuka May 20, 2014

lurk and jerk

To 'lurk' on someones facebook and or myspace page while masturbating vigorously.

getting some images for the spankbank.. gotta go lurk and jerk.

lurk and jerk by eriiiiiiiiinL August 25, 2010

Tuck and Jerk 

The Tuck and Jerk is performed when the internet is down or porn is unavailable. In this situation the male party tucks his genitals between his legs to resemble the genitals of a woman. He then takes a picture of this and uses it to masturbate. In effect a person is creating their own porn to jerk it to.

I need to buy a playboy. Last night the modem when down, so I had to Tuck and Jerk.

Tuck and Jerk by Junior96 December 5, 2011

Browse and Jerk 

The act of browsing random MySpace pages and finding decently hot chicks, with decently hot pictures.
One then proceeds to jerk off to these said pictures.

*note*- said activity can also be applied to Facebook and a variety of other social networking sites, but due to the popularity, and low security settings, MySpace is preffered.

Kid 1- Hey dude so what'd you do last night?

Kid 2- Nothing much, just stayed home and did a little Browse and Jerk

Kid 1- Wtf is that?

Kid 2- it's when you click on Browse in MySpace, and change the settings to like, female, between the ages of 18-21, within 10 miles from my zip code, then you look for the really slutty ones and jerk off to their pics. Trust me, theres something about it that makes it better than porn.

Kid 1- You're a fucking creep.

Kid 2- Thanks.

Browse and Jerk by see_saw_badly August 2, 2009

erk and jerk 

Slang for E&J brandy.

Im goin to the store for some erk and jerk

erk and jerk by Chi-Chi January 29, 2004