Portmanteau of "teleworking" and "jerking". This occurs when you have an office job that requires such little time and effort, that on snowy days when employees telework from home, you can have several jerk-off sessions while technically being paid.
Such jobs are usually only afforded to government employees and sometimes government contractors, since deadlines don't mean anything to their bosses and they will be paid regardless of performance.
Rick: I telejerked yesterday and today. How do you feel knowing that your tax dollars go to pay me for choking my chicken two times before lunch while looking at porn on my work computer? Yeah, and that conference call at 2? I was shitting while I was on the phone. Tomorrow will be my third consecutive day of telejerking due to the chain of command in my office being populated by spineless men who employee only college interns and sassy black ladies that literally contribute nothing to the ability of our government to function.
Cigarette: Northern slang for a cigarette, used oft by mashed up mancunian ravers becasue of the resemblance of a hot(electric)stove to the end of a lit cigarette. Originated circa 1991 in the early halcyon days of the rave culture; we speculate during a drug fuelled hallucination by said manc.
'fuck me noel, i am bolloxed, is that a ciggy in your mouth, or the stove from me 'nans kitchen'/
General use: 'Give us a stove you cunt'