The Skunk Ape is one of the most dangerous creatures known to man. The Skunk Ape got its name from its huge body and its awful odor. It lives in the state of Florida, where it has been sighted many times.
The Skunk Ape is most deadly in the dark, where it gains all of its powers, in the daytime it is slowed down by its anti-photosynthetic cells. It has lunarsynthetic cells, which when energy is sent to it from the moonlight, its abilities increase 10 fold. With a raging torrent of energy flowing through its body, it is able to compress it's body and stretch its limbs, bones, and organs, to grab, strangle, and even simulate teleportation, by its fast stretching, it seems as though it has teleported.
The skunk ape reproduces asexually; by laying eggs, thus limiting its genetic versatility. This is the main reason the skunk ape has not evolved and retains its ancient mystic powers. The egg of the skunk ape is generally the size of a human head. The egg is green in color, and tends to glow in the dark.
When a Skunk Ape is seen the best thing to do is to arm yourself with any type of light. Flashlights and camera flashes work effectively in this situation, camera flashes stun and blind the skunk ape. The best option is to keep your eye and your light on it, if the light leaves it's fur for one second he could appear behind your back, and it's lights out for you.
I was at my friends house, and I noticed a skunk ape was peering through the window.
A foul beast that is hairy like an ape and reeks of desperation. Although the Skunk Ape can be found throughout the Southern United States, the Skunk Ape predominantly is located in Northern Alabama (the woods to be exact). A typical Skunk Ape will appear quite plump and, more than likely, have a can of Mountain Lightning in its meaty, furry hand.
I spotted a chubby Skunk Ape in the woods behind the Chinese restaurant last night!
A skunk ape is a hairy, stinky animal who roams the hills of Southen Maryland. A skunk ape tends to deny the fact that they are a skunk ape, often becoming aggressive with his less stinky prey who are only trying to warn others of the dangers surrounding this disgusting creature. Skunk apes generally are named Shawn (Sorry, its just a fact). They also tend to be extreme try-hards who feast on the blood of un-pubertized female humans
Dude, Shawn's been stinkin a lot more lately, I think he's a straight skunk ape.
Yo that Skunk-Ape was some dank ass shit, bro.
a hairy beast mostly found in the hills of eatern ky even though very primitave has a large knowledge of cell phones and computers when confronted in the wild its agressive behavior will make it go wild headbutting anyone in site then spiting monkey aids from its teeth then rape them continously. you can track skunkape by smell and its hairy ass full of brush and pinecones leaves a shit trail behind full of debris
dude did you see that skunkape?
damn something smeels like a skunkape just had butt sex.
that smells like a bag of rotted skunkape assholes
Did you just see that skunkape shoot monkey aids on that ratlip
before he raped him and munged
tall old hairy stinky man, who roams in the coral springs area. beware the skunk lick, this creature is said to come up behind you and perform the most disgusting foul smelling lick you have ever experienced.
hey tony, watch out for the skunk ape behind you!
They have been known to wander desperately in need for affection from swamp rats. Due to the season when mating calls, Skunk Apes tend to follow their gut instincts by releasing the powerful odor to attract females. If you are seen when the Skunk Ape is releasing it's odors it might mistaken you for a mate. To defend yourself, you must place acorns in your nostrils to distract the beast, lay down in the fetal position, and think of Disney World. The Skunk Ape will proceed without showing interest to your mental breakdown.
P.S. - Skunk Apes are dangerous.
This article about the Skunk Ape written by yours truly,
Dr. Cunt Hair III