The story of a girl who is mentally retarded who struggled to find love and choose between necrophilia and beastiality.
Girl: I want to be like Bella in New Moon.
Guy: Why? So you can have sex with an 108 year old virgin vampire?
Girl: So? He's hot!
Guy: But what's the point? He can't get a f*cking boner!
Guy: Why? So you can have sex with an 108 year old virgin vampire?
Girl: So? He's hot!
Guy: But what's the point? He can't get a f*cking boner!
by Deciphered May 28, 2010
Bella in New Moon: "Hmmm... should I choose to go out with my handsome vampire or this sxc werewolf??"
Me: That's... just... sick.
Me: That's... just... sick.
by edfewfew8f9wefjhfrewf December 17, 2009
New Moon is the second novel in the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. It is another desperate rant about how Bella's life has gone awry yet again (oh noes =O) because Edward, being a pussy and unable to handle their relationship "difficulties", ditched her and promised to never come back. (Good riddance.)
Bella turns into a zombie because she is completely oblivious of the real world (since her senses filter out anything that is NOT Edward -- ie. Zomg I have friends at school???) and because she had a non-existent personality to begin with. She soon falls dependent on her werewolf rebound, Jacob, who actually thinks it's a score to hang out with Bella. (What d'ya know, another disgrace to supernatural beings.) He has no idea that Bella is just using him as a source of sanity and for opportunities of suicide (because she's so incompetent she lacks the know-how of self-destruction.)
Edward couldn't deal with his epic fail any better, but at least he had the willpower to rid the world of himself. Instead of moving on to, oh, let's say, a more worthy significant other (which should be hella easy to find, after BELLA) he decides to completely waste himself. His actions displayed a form of character UNdevelopment which was somehow interpreted as passion by some people. T_____T
The middle chapters are predictable as hell. Current readers: for your benefit, just guess what happens and skip to the end. Or better yet, ditch the book and read the plot synopsis on Wikipedia to discover that you have saved a great deal of time and brain cells. Really.
Bella turns into a zombie because she is completely oblivious of the real world (since her senses filter out anything that is NOT Edward -- ie. Zomg I have friends at school???) and because she had a non-existent personality to begin with. She soon falls dependent on her werewolf rebound, Jacob, who actually thinks it's a score to hang out with Bella. (What d'ya know, another disgrace to supernatural beings.) He has no idea that Bella is just using him as a source of sanity and for opportunities of suicide (because she's so incompetent she lacks the know-how of self-destruction.)
Edward couldn't deal with his epic fail any better, but at least he had the willpower to rid the world of himself. Instead of moving on to, oh, let's say, a more worthy significant other (which should be hella easy to find, after BELLA) he decides to completely waste himself. His actions displayed a form of character UNdevelopment which was somehow interpreted as passion by some people. T_____T
The middle chapters are predictable as hell. Current readers: for your benefit, just guess what happens and skip to the end. Or better yet, ditch the book and read the plot synopsis on Wikipedia to discover that you have saved a great deal of time and brain cells. Really.
Edward: Sht this isn't working. K ummm…. bye!
Bella: O_O Edward... gone? Bella... no live... *commences severe mental and social retardation*
Jacob: YO sweet, a damsel in distress.
Bella: Edddwwaaaarrdddd....OO JACOB! But... Edddwwaaardddd T.T i should go die. <-*sole idea of reason in the whole book*
The rest of New Moon: *random filler action and oh-so-much more corny dialogue*
and GUESS WHAT!? EDWARD AND BELLA GET BACK TOGETHER! WHO’DA THOUGHT!?!?!
Reader: *Resists urge to kill something*
Bella: O_O Edward... gone? Bella... no live... *commences severe mental and social retardation*
Jacob: YO sweet, a damsel in distress.
Bella: Edddwwaaaarrdddd....OO JACOB! But... Edddwwaaardddd T.T i should go die. <-*sole idea of reason in the whole book*
The rest of New Moon: *random filler action and oh-so-much more corny dialogue*
and GUESS WHAT!? EDWARD AND BELLA GET BACK TOGETHER! WHO’DA THOUGHT!?!?!
Reader: *Resists urge to kill something*
by Angemichelo October 5, 2008
by Omallyolivas June 1, 2009
Some stupid, EXTREMELY overrated movie that has brainwashed young teenage girls. You cant turn on your TV or get on the internet without seeing something about it everywhere you look. The books and movies took away the true meaning of a vampire. Vampires were originally supposed to be dark, aggressive creatures. The Twilight saga has caused this to change. Now the definition of a vampire is "OMG Edward is like so totally hot, like OMG".
Mary Sue- I've seen New Moon 35 times since it came out and i plan on going back. Did i mention that EDWARD IS LIKE SO HOT. I THINK I JUST CREAMED MY PANTIES THINKING ABOUT HIM!
by Theonewithoutaname December 1, 2009
New Moon is the second novel in the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. It is another desperate rant about how Bella's life has gone awry yet again (oh noes =O) because Edward, being a pussy and unable to handle their relationship "difficulties", ditched her and promised to never come back. (Good riddance.)
Bella turns into a zombie because she is completely oblivious of the real world (since her senses filter out anything that is NOT Edward -- ie. Zomg I have friends at school???) and because she had a non-existent personality to begin with. She soon falls dependent on her werewolf rebound, Jacob, who actually thinks it's a score to hang out with Bella. (What d'ya know, another disgrace to supernatural beings.) He has no idea that Bella is just using him as a source of sanity and for opportunities of suicide (because she's so incompetent she lacks the know-how of self-destruction.)
Edward couldn't deal with his epic fail any better, but at least he had the willpower to rid the world of himself. Instead of moving on to, oh, let's say, a more worthy significant other (which should be hella easy to find, after BELLA) he decides to completely waste himself. His actions displayed a form of character UNdevelopment which was somehow interpreted as passion by some people. T_____T
The middle chapters are predictable as hell. Current readers: for your benefit, just guess what happens and skip to the end. Or better yet, ditch the book and read the plot synopsis on Wikipedia to discover that you have saved a great deal of time and brain cells. Really.
Bella turns into a zombie because she is completely oblivious of the real world (since her senses filter out anything that is NOT Edward -- ie. Zomg I have friends at school???) and because she had a non-existent personality to begin with. She soon falls dependent on her werewolf rebound, Jacob, who actually thinks it's a score to hang out with Bella. (What d'ya know, another disgrace to supernatural beings.) He has no idea that Bella is just using him as a source of sanity and for opportunities of suicide (because she's so incompetent she lacks the know-how of self-destruction.)
Edward couldn't deal with his epic fail any better, but at least he had the willpower to rid the world of himself. Instead of moving on to, oh, let's say, a more worthy significant other (which should be hella easy to find, after BELLA) he decides to completely waste himself. His actions displayed a form of character UNdevelopment which was somehow interpreted as passion by some people. T_____T
The middle chapters are predictable as hell. Current readers: for your benefit, just guess what happens and skip to the end. Or better yet, ditch the book and read the plot synopsis on Wikipedia to discover that you have saved a great deal of time and brain cells. Really.
Edward: Sht this isn't working. K ummm…. bye!
Bella: O_O Edward... gone? Bella... no live... *commences severe mental and social retardation*
Jacob: YO sweet, a damsel in distress.
Bella: Edddwwaaaarrdddd....OO JACOB! But... Edddwwaaardddd T.T I should go die. <-*sole idea of reason in the whole book*
The rest of New Moon: *random filler action and oh-so-much more corny dialogue*
and GUESS WHAT!? EDWARD AND BELLA GET BACK TOGETHER! WHO’DA THOUGHT!?!?!
Reader: *Resists urge to kill something*
Bella: O_O Edward... gone? Bella... no live... *commences severe mental and social retardation*
Jacob: YO sweet, a damsel in distress.
Bella: Edddwwaaaarrdddd....OO JACOB! But... Edddwwaaardddd T.T I should go die. <-*sole idea of reason in the whole book*
The rest of New Moon: *random filler action and oh-so-much more corny dialogue*
and GUESS WHAT!? EDWARD AND BELLA GET BACK TOGETHER! WHO’DA THOUGHT!?!?!
Reader: *Resists urge to kill something*
by Angemichelo October 5, 2008
The slightly depressing sequel to the popular Twilight, written by Stephenie Meyer in which Edward(Bella's true love who just happens to be a 'vegetarian' vampire) leaves her and Bella(who is barely holding on to sanity) befriends Jacob Black(a werewolf) is stalked by a vengeful vampire named Victoria(whose mate, James, was killed in the first book). Edward thinks(through miscommunication) that Bella has killed herself and tries to get himself murdered but(luckily) Bella intercedes and they return home.
Twilight-crazed teen girl: "OMG!!! I just finished New Moon!!! It was so sad!!! I can't believe that he left her!!! Well, at least they are back with each other... I wonder what will happen in Eclipse!!!
by bf42 August 12, 2008