Kevin, Joe, and Nick Jonas were born in the hospital in Disneyworld, during the gay pride parade. They were born as triplets, however the last two were born a few years later. After her mother was done giving birth to Nick, she killed herself after realizing she wasted 5 years of her life in a hospital. Their father, knowing that he was an incompetent unemployed drunk, dropped them off at the nearest church.

The priest came to the church one day after his nightly visit to the gay strip bar. He found the three boys and brought them in. He decided he must name these "gifts from god". Coincidentally, he decided to name them Nick, Joe, and Kevin Jonas. The next few years, Nick, Kevin, and Joe had to beg on the street for money and food while the priest "helped out" at the young boys and girls club.

When Nick was old enough to speak, at age 5, he whined at local shops about his life and how hard it was. A music producer thought he had a nice whining voice. He asked him if he would sign a contract that would be a great financial gain to him. He agreed, and began recording whining with music in the background. For the next 7 years, his voice grew no deeper.

The record producer realized his mistake, and shipped Nick, along with his two older brothers, off to columbia. There, they were discovered by the national record company, Columbia Records. The three of them made a band under the name "Kracktor", and labeled themselves as brutal progressive black death power heavy metal/polka.

Nick could not do the death scream, however, and they had to change their music. They simplified it to 3 power chords played over, and over. Unfortunately, they weren't selling with Columbia. One day, while sitting by a hickory stump, the devil appeared and challenged them to a fiddle challenge.

"I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too, and if you'll care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you. You play a pretty good fiddle, but give the devil his due, I bet a fiddle of gold against your soul cos' I think I'm better than you." The devil said to them. Nick mindlessly accepted, before realizing he had no fiddle, or a soul for that matter.

The devil, realizing he won by default, brought them to his secret headquarters and sold them to his head company, Disney. Disney realized the potential in their looks towards premature mainstream zombies and threw the brothers in a few movies and marketed them on everything.

Today, the Jonas brothers live in hell, along with the devil and his disney army. They create mindless songs that get stuck in your head until you want to throw up.
"The Jonas Brothers are the worst thing to ever walk the earth. What a waste of space and skin."
by trust me, you dont want to kno August 21, 2008
A crap, overated band. They are only famous for being on the Disney channel all the time, and no, I don't watch Disney Channel, my little 7 YEAR OLD sister does, and I know some of their songs because my sister likes them. They started off as an okayish Christian band but are now a pathetic pop band that sing off-key, the oldest one must be about 18 and his voice is STILL developing and he sings like an 11 year old. All of there songs are about Looovvveeee and girls. It doesn't take much talent to write 15 songs about girls. Oh, and they've coppied about 3 of their songs from Busted.

They also call themselves 'Rockstars' when their music is bubblegum pop.

Please understand that not ALL preteens like them, I've hated them since I heared them on Disney Channel at 11...

Person with decent taste in music: Fuck off, go listen to real music.

Jonas Brothers:Uh Uhhh WoahG irl I wanna kiss you Oh Yeahhhh ohh baby you tell me that you love meeee yeaahhh ohhh uh ohhhh Ohh Uh-Uh *chokes*
by .Sara=] February 26, 2008
An adjective used to describe a male who is a total pussy.
"Dude, look at Scott over there."
"What a fucking Jonas Brother."
by TimPestilence July 25, 2009
One of the most terrible bands of our time. Never compare them to other acclaimed bands like Aerosmith, Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Cheap Trick, U2, etc. If annoying fangirls compared them to any to the bands mentioned above, they all must be joking.
Fangirl: The Jonas Brothers reminded me of Cheap Trick because of their gutar solos.

by Tarrank October 31, 2009
Three guys (if you can even call them that) who for some reason have a shit load of fans even though they clearly do not possess any talent; you would realize this if you weren't retarded.
Their "music" (I almost threw up writing that) is supposedly directed at 8 to maybe 14 year olds, yet ALL THEIR FUCKING SONGS ARE ABOUT LOVE. No damned 10 year old knows what the hell it feels like to be in love. See a problem? Hopefully you do 'cause man, there's a LOT of them.
Random things I feel like ranting about:

1. They. Are. Not. Rock. Not now, not ever. If you think they are rock you should probably just drop dead now. Like, right now. Thanks.
2. ANYONE comparing JB to The Beatles should automatically just fall off the damned earth on to their own little planet of terrible music (JB, Miley Cyrus, all other Disney tools). It's best for everyone who actually know what real music is.
3. I see them EVERYWHERE I go. Which is indeed a horrible sight on account of I don't enjoy my eyes spazzing at the sight of them. And on that note...
4. THEY'RE SO FUCKING UGLY. Christ they look like deformed giraffes combined with dead raccoons (no offense to either specie).
5. It makes me laugh in a beyond retarded manner when the best insult fans can come up with is "YOUR JUST JEALOUS!!!!" ('Your' usually used instead of the correct 'you're' on account of their brains have melted to nothingness). The fuck is there to be jealous of? Sure I'm not famous, sure barely anyone knows my name, but I have more talent than they will ever have, thus, THEY should be jealous of ME. Biiitch.
6. Hopefully, if we are lucky enough, in a few months JB will dissapear without a trace. Now that, would be AWESOME.

Yea that was my rant.
They have such shit lyrics. I'm sick of people saying that they're so meaningful and inspiring:
"I climb a tree outside her home.
To make sure she is alone.
She looks up and sees me there.
Still I can't help but stop and stare.
That's what I go to school for.
Even though it is a real bore.
You can call me crazy.
She is so amazing."

First of all, what the hell why are the Jonas Brothers stalkers? They sound like a creepy version of Dr.Seuss. Second, if a Jonas Brother climbed a tree outside my house to be creepy mother fucker I'd push him off and call the cops. Third, how are these lyrics meaningful? Well, I guess they COULD be meaningful.. to someone who's a bloody stalker and does this every night to some poor, poor soul.
& Yes, I searched up Jonas Brothers lyrics. Yes, I am downright ashamed. But it's better than knowing the lyrics! Gotta give me something for that.
by RAHHHHHH March 12, 2009
A really overrated mainstream.. Ah screw it, they just suck so much, they dont need a definition. they suck, period. they dont have talent, the guitarists suck, the drummer sucks, and the trio is gay, they have threesomes every Saturday. They just pretend to like "hot girls", but they're really gay. That loser whos dating Selena Gomez is a closet case, obviously.

Majority of Jonas fans are 8 - 13 year old girls who think if something is popular, it's good. and they also think that if a band's members are ugly, they suck.

The fans are stupid, and are usually bashed by Guns N' Roses fans. They tend to hate on us and say things like Slash being gay and Axl Rose being ugly and that they suck cause they're old, but in reality: they do suck. NOW. They rocked hard in the late 80s early 90s but not anymore.

They also hate anything that is not of 2007, and when comparing Beatles to JB, they say Beatles are a bunch of old dead people from the 1930s (someone actually said this) and to old rock fans, they tell us "Get with the times." No, I dont wanna get with the times when most music of "the times" is shit.

average jonas fan: OMFG THE JONAS BROTHERS? THE ARE SO HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like nick is the absolute hottest LULZ. he's a good christian boy. he would never go out with that skank Miley. OMFG hold on!!! they're song just came on disney radio!!!! LMAO. OMFG

*actual quote, im not even kiddin*
by jermomsucksmydick August 05, 2008
Is the worst insult ever, worst ''music'' worst everything.
To suck, stink.
Girl1: Slut!!
Girl2: Jonas Brothers!!
Girl1: *gasp* *slap*
by Auroraa May 31, 2008
One of the four members of the Jonas Brothers "music" band. As sellouts, they have absolutely no talent and only appeal to 9-15 year old girls.
12 Year old girl;
1. OmG! i LoVe thE JonAs BroThErs!!! TheY'Re SooOO HaWt!!

Aboutanyone else;
1. see's jonas brothers on tv: Fuck, wheres the remote???

2. Bob: So when do you think the Jonas brothers start making REAL music?
Jerry: They cant, they dont have any talent.
by Earthling 12345476586646876798 February 28, 2009

Free Daily Email

Type your email address below to get our free Urban Word of the Day every morning!

Emails are sent from We'll never spam you.