Top Definition
Man who was nailed to a plank for saying how nice it would be if everyone was nice to each other. Had his message misinterpreted by millions who now think it is their job to persecute certain groups of people(christians).
Jesus:be nice to others.
by Jonjo January 15, 2005
The spoken Word of God, or the Son of God. Died for our sins, one can be saved and get access to God and heaven through Jesus Christ. One can also live life more abundantly through him.
Guy one: Hey, do you know about Jesus?

Guy two: No?

Guy one: He is The spoken Word of God, or the Son of God. Died for our sins, one can be saved and get access to God and heaven through Jesus Christ.

Guy two: Really?

Guy one: Yes, here is a book called the Bible with some of his words in it, what he said and did, and a story of how and why he came into the world. Read it.
by TMundo July 10, 2009
The second coming is here! Jesus is back in the form of Joel Zimmerman aka deadmau5!! We are saved!!
Jesus is back bitches!!
by Rellik Uzi August 18, 2010
a kick ass superhero.
person 1 "holy shit is that jesus, how is he not sinking"
person 2 "he can walk on water dipshit"
by fourway March 16, 2010
A nice guy who taught love, kindness, tolerance, etc. Sacrificed himself because we're all giant penises. Now people claim to follow his teachings, but just screw them over.
Oh look, there's Jesus over there! The world's gonna end.
by Poop N Scoop July 05, 2005
He was God in a human form. He came to earth to recieve the punishment that everybody else deserved. He did so, and anybody who recieves the sacrifice is a Christian.

Many non-Christians hate him because he asks for some submission in return.
Guy:Do you know Jesus?
Guy2:I know of Jesus
Guy:What do you think of Jesus?
Guy2:He was an idiot
Guy2:Because he asks for obedience, just because he died on some tree.
by Noogahoogah October 03, 2009
This guy who was just trying to make a come up with his fire ass mixtape about being nice to people and not banging your neighbor's wife.

Ceasar was in studio at the time and was selling his wimpy ass mixes by the thousands, meanwhile no body listened to Jesus' mixtape and he got nailed to a tree because his poppin' beats just weren't up to par for the times.

After he died on the tree and was buried, he decided his career wasn't over and got up out of his tomb and started dropping fire beats again. But no one listened still, and he decided to just leave and go back to heaven where his mixes were appreciated.

He eventually got a fan club, but they've pretty much ruined his music for the rest of the us real fans ( S/O to my homies at Westboro Baptist for that )...

Nowadays there's this goat banging rival fan group of a DJ called Allah, who refuse to get with Jesus' beats, so they've started a clan war with the Jesus fans and it's getting fierce.
Yo! Look at Jesus dropping those fire beats!

beats mixtape goat fucker jesus fan club fire ass beats Westboro Baptist Church
by theonlycleanchipotlebathroom October 11, 2015
The king of kings and the Lord of Lords!! A man that will accept you for who you are and save your soul and he will never judge you just love you!!!
I praise you Jesus the rock of ages!
by Kittyolee1 September 08, 2013

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