Students of the Bible who preach the "Kingdom of God." They claim that their God--Jehovah--is using Jesus Christ to bring an end to the world as we know it.
One of Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door, shared a scripture, and offered me a Watchtower magazine.
by Mack C January 15, 2007
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When a Jehovah's Witness loses weight from knocking on a lot of doors in their preaching ministry.
"Did you lose weight Brother Fatterson? You are looking very Jehovah's fitness"
by Beth Shan2 August 26, 2013
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A group of people who's faces are flat from getting doors slammed in their faces.
Jehovah's Witness: Ouch, my face feels like Kansas.
by slatte November 10, 2006
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The only real way you can deal with a JW that is a member of your family. No matter what you say you cannot convince them that they a working for an enormous tax dodge publishing empire based in NYC.

In return they have to stay away from you once you make it clear you think their beliefs are beyond whacky.

The result - you don't see each other, but you still get to go to all the fun things like birthdays etc without that freak being there. Win!
Bob: Hey, is that your brother in law? Lets go say hi.

Adam: Nah man, he's a JW, we are keeping our distance.

Bob: Sounds like some serious Jehovah's Splitness there bro?

Adam: Damn right, it's awesome.
by Witness the Fitness February 8, 2010
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Jehovah's Witnesses are Christians who believe that the Bible is God's word and that Jesus is their Savior. This Christian denomination dates back to the late 19th century. Charles Taze Russel is credited with organizing the first Bible study groups that later gave origin to the Jehovah's Witness sect; these groups focused on Bible prophecy and the second coming of Christ. This second coming is said to have happened invisibly in 1914 - a date that was originally thought to mark the end of the world or Armageddon. Their name comes from the Bible, the Book of Isaiah, Chapter 43, Verses 10 and 11. The meaning behind the name is rather clear. It indicates that they bear witness to Jehovah - Jehovah being the personal name of God. There are about 16.6 million Jehovah's Witnesses around the world, with only three countries (US, Brazil, and Mexico) holding a population of over half a million. Of that number, approximately 6.7 million Jehovah's Witnesses are involved in active preaching and are part of the official statistic count. They believe in a supreme God - a spirit which has a body, but not a human body. Jesus is the Lord and Savior but He is not a part of God. They do not believe in the Trinity - the father, son and holy spirit - as, for example, Catholics do. Rather, Jesus is separate from God and was God's servant on Earth. Jesus is also said to have been given an exalted status in heaven to a higher level than angels.
Because they believe Jesus is not God, that prayer is a form of worship, and that one must not worship false gods, they pray to God, not Jesus. They believe that after the end of the world, which is imminent, 144,000 people will get a chance to go to heaven. The rest will have a chance to be resurrected and live on a permanent paradise on Earth, as long as they are virtuous in life. Those judged unrighteous will cease to exist. Jehovah's Witnesses do not believe in a remaining soul after death. They believe all other religions to be false and are deeply involved in preaching as a way to impart the hope of resurrection to humanity. Politics is not an important part of life, as they believe governments will also be destroyed imminently. They rarely vote, and they do not take part in anything that has to do with national politics, including the singing of the national anthem or saluting the flag. They also do not celebrate birthdays or Christmas, and most avoid Thanksgiving, which they consider to be a Pagan holiday. Weddings and funerals are observed, and celebrating anniversaries is not forbidden. They tend to be conservative. Homosexuality, premarital sex, and abortion are considered sins. They do not accept blood transfusions, even if it means death. However, more and more hospitals are now using bloodless techniques in surgery, often crediting Jehovah's Witnesses as their push to research alternatives.
by ♫ Highway to Hell ♫ September 13, 2010
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n. An unwelcome erection which arrives at the most inconvenient times and is hard to get rid of.


E.g. Yo Tony blud, lessons over, lets split.

Tony: Shit! I can't stand up, I got Jehovah's stiffness init!
by swany01 May 14, 2008
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jehovahs witnesses- beliefs-jesus came to earth to offer his life up as a ransom sacrifice to free us from sin and death.at armagedon all the wicked will be destroyed. on judgement day(1000 years) there will be a resurection of righteous and unrighteous, the earth will be broughtback to a paradise like state, humans will grow to perfection and live forever, and only 144000 will go to heaven and rule with jesus. Basically they live their lives by the bible and try to do everything by bible standards- they dont smoke swear get drunk etc simply because the bible says not to. they go witnessing door to door because jesus said it would have to be done just as he did, and because of thee preaching work they would be persecuted.they want to let people know about the end of this system of things and gods kingdom because they are compelled by love.

i am one of jehovahs witnesses im a teen but i know its the truth, not just because my parents believe and have told me it is-but because i can see it myself. all you have to do is read the bible-put 2 and 2 together- and see that they are doing everything the bible says(well except the stuff that doesnt apply because it was only for the israelites to do etc) its a shame they are hated because they are lovely people, but hey, jesus said it would happen-cause it happened to him-and he was gods son!
Person 1-yeah,im studying with jehovahs witnesses.
Person 2-cool.
by dunno:) January 7, 2010
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