malk
noun
Any
milk alternative made from a non-dairy source (e.
g. soy,
rice, oats, spelt, bulgar, hemp, coconut, almond, cashew, hazelnut, macadamia, pistachio, sunflower, etc.). Since the National
Milk Producers Federation is trying to convince the Food and Drug Administration to outlaw the labeling of any product as "
milk" that does not come from a mammary gland, a new name is needed. And since humans should not be drinking liquid from any mammary gland other than a human's, "malk" is definitely the healthiest and least gross choice after a person is weaned.
Mom: "Do you want whole or
chocolate milk on your Frosted Flakes?"
Son: "Seriously?! Do I look like a calf or are you just trying to make me diabetic? I'll take hemp malk on my
organic, non-GMO, fair
trade muesli, thank you very much."