ass monkey

An awkward neighbor or boyfriend/girlfriend in your dorm who invites himself/herself to meals, parties, and other social events. Ass monkeys attach themselves to specific groups or individuals by seeing that other individuals are able to invite themselves to events but still be welcomed companions.

Sketchball A: We need to go out the side door. If we don't your ass monkey will come with us to dinner.

Sketchball B: Tru that 'ho. I don't want my ass monkey fucking up my Pimp Committee.

Mutual Friend of Sketchballs A and B: I swear Sketchball B. If your ass monkey comes to one more meal with us I'm going to jump off a bridge.

ass monkey by I-Heart-Shiksas January 8, 2008

Ass Monkey

A person who, for all intents and purposes, has never learned a god-damned thing. One who maintains a blissful ignorance of the world that simultaneously inspires amusement, disgust and despair in all who are unlucky enough to encounter him.

Did you see those ass-monkeys on Jaywalking last night? Ha-ha, they're so dumb...I think I'll kill myself.

Ass Monkey by Petros March 10, 2004

Ass Monkey

A driver who follows your vehicle at an unsafe distance in their vehicle. A tailgater.

I wish that Ass Monkey would get off my tail!

Ass Monkey by pseudoraptor February 18, 2010

Ass Monkey

Someone that is so very obsessed with ass, though this is not where the term's meaning comes from. Rather, it is the behavior of these ass monkeys. They act like douchebags for no reason and are typically extremely unintelligent.

John: "Yo, did you go to Mark's party last night? It was wild!"
Rudiger: "Nah mate, I didn't. Mark's a fucking ass monkey."

Ass Monkey by Jay Faraday May 23, 2020

ass monkey

A person (usually a man) who i such an asshole that people leave the room when he enters and announces his presence.

At Jake's wedding, Dan was such an ass monkey that entire sections of the bride's family left the reception early.

ass monkey by Andrew Rentschler June 9, 2004

ass monkey

n. an individual who, when in an argument, just makes up statistics and quotes from authorities on the subject so they look correct
v. to make up statistics or quotes to appear more correct

n. Dan is such an ass monkey; there's no way that CNN had an exit poll that said that 87% of Americans want socialism.
v. I totally ass monkeyed through that test. There's no way Mrs. Clark will know that Teddy Roosevelt actually never said anything about anarchy's role in society.

ass monkey by Monday's Dusk February 22, 2009

ass monkey

Someone who constantly follows someone else around and agrees with everything they say and do.

"hey, should we invite Ben around tonight?"

"nah, his ass monkey Matt will have to come too."

"oh yeah. let's not."

ass monkey by turnip bukowski September 26, 2006