50 definitions by sir bartholomew mctavish
To put your dick to the telephone speaker when talking to a ladyfriend when she is boring the arse off you about babies or flowers or something else that's all girlyfied.
Dicktaphone is when on the phone to Ann Coulter and she's banging on about politics or crap etc. and you realise you're her husband as your cock falls out of your pants into the reciever.
by sir bartholomew mctavish July 18, 2008
crackmail is what it is called when a woman, uses her crack to shut a moaning husband, boyfriend up when he finds out something she didn't want known.
Steve: So, what happened when you confronted your missus about doing that hardcore porno behind your back, when she was supposed to be going to see her ill Mother?
Dave: I got crackmailed by the Bitch.
Dave: I got crackmailed by the Bitch.
by sir bartholomew mctavish September 11, 2008
To gain a wang-on while watching her in any of her nude happy films. Gia, Womb Raider, actually what else is she in?
Man#1: You see that new Tomb Raider flick?
Man#2: You mean the one with Wangelina
Man#1: High Five! (They high five.) Yeah..!
Man#2: You mean the one with Wangelina
Man#1: High Five! (They high five.) Yeah..!
by sir bartholomew mctavish August 15, 2008
facecool is what happens when you try to type out Facebook in a text message with T9 predictive-fucking-text on.
DAVID: Whoah, Rebecca, Victoria's on to us, somebody just text me saying that Victoria's figured out how to use a computer and has just spotted our facecool page.
REBECCA: What the fuck is facecool?
DAVID: I don't know, it's in this text. Can we go to Disney Land Rebecca, you promised.
REBECCA: What the fuck is facecool?
DAVID: I don't know, it's in this text. Can we go to Disney Land Rebecca, you promised.
by sir bartholomew mctavish January 3, 2009
Of the portly, well endowed and sometimes aged of the female sex.
When the lady/beast in question wears a bra that is far too small for massive jubblies.
The 'Nork Chop' refers to the skin that overhangs the bra itself.
Sometimes nice (fit babe), othertimes scary (portly woman) and downright wrong but kinda not bad if you don't admit to liking it, with the other. (Old women.)
When the lady/beast in question wears a bra that is far too small for massive jubblies.
The 'Nork Chop' refers to the skin that overhangs the bra itself.
Sometimes nice (fit babe), othertimes scary (portly woman) and downright wrong but kinda not bad if you don't admit to liking it, with the other. (Old women.)
CLARENCE: Steve,did you see that Lindsay Lohan's 'Nork Chops' in that '9 oclock News' segment? Id tap me sumofthat!
STEVE: I wouldnt say no to her in bed.but she wouldnt say yes.
CLARENCE: That's right. Rich bitches only go for rich guys. Or really ugly lesbians, who coincidentaly, usually own disgusting 'Nork Chops'.
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BARRY: Oh my god, that fat bird must have not cooked her 'Nork Chops' properly coz they're making me wanna
vomit just by looking at them.
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OLD LADY: Dennis dear, my falsies have fallen down my dirty pillows (Tits). Be a dear and fish them out for me.
DENNIS: I don't think so bitch. I aint going near your manky Nork Chops. You diseased maniac.
STEVE: I wouldnt say no to her in bed.but she wouldnt say yes.
CLARENCE: That's right. Rich bitches only go for rich guys. Or really ugly lesbians, who coincidentaly, usually own disgusting 'Nork Chops'.
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BARRY: Oh my god, that fat bird must have not cooked her 'Nork Chops' properly coz they're making me wanna
vomit just by looking at them.
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OLD LADY: Dennis dear, my falsies have fallen down my dirty pillows (Tits). Be a dear and fish them out for me.
DENNIS: I don't think so bitch. I aint going near your manky Nork Chops. You diseased maniac.
by sir bartholomew mctavish November 14, 2007
The tackle you spunk with. Testicles and Penis. Cock and Balls. Twig and Gigggle Berries. Meat and Two Veg. Strawberry Shaft and Vanilla Scoops. Testicle (Pronounced testiclay) & Poking Rod...etc...
PETER: Andy, what's the matter?
ANDY: My wife kicked me in me spunk tackle.
PETER: Dannielle? Whatever for?
ANDY: Coz I said she was a stupid fat fucking minge muncher who was worse in bed that her comatose Mother.
(Brief moment of silence then a hefty High-Five.)
ANDY: My wife kicked me in me spunk tackle.
PETER: Dannielle? Whatever for?
ANDY: Coz I said she was a stupid fat fucking minge muncher who was worse in bed that her comatose Mother.
(Brief moment of silence then a hefty High-Five.)
by sir bartholomew mctavish November 29, 2008
A 'dreast' can be spotted in the first thirty seconds of any adult man-milk producing video production.
by sir bartholomew mctavish August 19, 2009