sir bartholomew mctavish's definitions

Dysonbabe

A girl or woman who is such a filth monger, or has not had it in ages, appears to just hoover a man's member into her without much effort.Usually a bit of a slack annie down there as it goes in like a dentist's mirror. Without touching the sides.

Dysonbabes are numbered in the many in Britain alone. Such as many, many people who I can't be bothered to name.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish January 1, 2008

bling waddlers

or 'bling waddler' are words only applying to fat men between 35 and 45 who wear shorts, sandals and puffa jackets. The commonly tend to drive 'Ive-Got-An-Under-Sized-Penis' cars,Four by fours or minivans. They also are overly hairy, facially smug and wear Bluetooth's ear pods proudly as though they are rich Godlike men walking the streets. In actuality they are fat, waddling,hairy twats who'll end up with brain problems,drink problems and wives who only do it with them for the cash. Also they are probably closet homosexuals who film their neighbours kids through the cracks in the garden fence.

CHILD: Mummy, mummy why is that fat man walking like he needs a poo and what is that stupid f-ing thing in his ear.

MOTHER: Well son, that's what we call 'Bling Waddlers' or 'Bling Waddler'. I want you to stay away from people like that. I'm not prejudice but they are the work of Satan and you'll burn in the fires Hell if you ever become one of those. And that thing in his ear is something that lets the police know where the bastard is.

CHILD: (Scare witless) Okay Mummy, take your pills...

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish December 5, 2007

ejokeulate

ejokeulate is what happens when something soooo funny happens that you either can't stop laughing, wet yourself or have an orgasm.

Samantha: What's wrong with you?
Carl: I just saw a pensioner fall over trying to eat a creamcake. I think I ejokeulated.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 22, 2008

dicebag

to fit an non specified amount of Call of Cthulhu Dice into one's foreskin.

Towhit, bringing a fully loaded pink dicebag to a D & D session.

Katherine: Hey, Jimmy?

Jimmy: Yeah?

Katherine: I couldn't help but notice that you have placed seven multifaceted number shapes into your foreskin. Explain.

Jimmy:Well you women have got Velvet Goldmines and us men have dicebags. This is mine. Revel in my splendor,bitch.

Katherine: Twat. (Walks away to go spend his money online.)

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish May 29, 2008

Asstrix

The 1960s French comic that you DIDN'T hear about.

'Asstrix' is the story of a Gaulish pornstar that shagged her way through every Roman Legion that Rome sent her way.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish August 19, 2009

fuckmas

What Disney and all other "child" orientated businesses are doing to us at Christmas. Wishing us a 'Merry Fuckmas, you've just paid us £40 for a piece of shit, you stupid fucking moron. You keep this economy going and you buy our crap?'

At Eurodisney
DAD: Go say hi to Mickey son,
SON: Okay Dad. Hiya Mickey, we thought you were great in Steamboat Willy
MICKEY MOUSE COSTUME MAN:Fuck you kid, give me your watch, cash and toys. (punches kid in face and signs Dad's car in own feaces.) Merry Fuckmas assholes.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish December 29, 2008

OlgaBolger

Any stocky Austrian,German or Scottish women who should be right heffers but are so physically shaggable that she makes bits of all men bulge to near ejaculating proportions

Mike: Did you see that sixfoot, blonde, German babe from accounting?
Dave: Olga? Yeah, I think she could benchpress a truck.
Mike: Yeah, but she is quite fit.
Dave: She's over there now! Look at those nuggs.
Mike: I've just cum.
Dave: Me too.I've got an OlgaBolger in my grits too.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 11, 2008