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sir bartholomew mctavish's definitions

cuntstard

1. A person who is a bastard and a cunt. Or a mixture of both.

2. Misspelt custard.
ELSIE: Any of you guys reckon that new guy at works a cuntstard?
MILLIE: Yeah, who is he?
ELSIE: My husband, oh and you're fired bitch.


FRANK: Hey did you try Lisa's cuntstard?
DEREK: That's my wife, you fuck! (Hits him.)
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 19, 2008
mugGet the cuntstardmug.

boredinary

Simple straightforward definition.Ordinary is boring. Break the mould, go for the burn, stand out from the crowd, ignore the sheep. Don't become uniform, don't be boredinary.
Man#1: You listen to that new audiobook?
Man#2: Audio what? What the shit?
Man#1: It's a book on CD
Man#2: What the fuck is a book?
Man#1: Pages,bound together,left-to-right reading. You can learn things.
Man#2: You are so boring.Books?You gay?
Man#1: No, you are boredinary, you slave to the system. Stand out man, make yourself unique. Burn your pants! Wank off a chicken or something!
Man#2: Go fuck a horse.
Man#1: Already did, it was your Mother.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 16, 2008
mugGet the boredinarymug.

spoforife

Spoforife. Spoon. Fork. Knife. 'nuff said.
A Couple on a plane, the man has the window seat.
Kanye: Hey, Estelle, I'm feeling bonkers. Do you got a spoon, fork or a knife? I think it's called a spoforife.
Estelle: Can you be quiet for just one shitting minute?
Kanye: Hey we just touched down in London town.
Estelle: For Christ's sake, quit it with the fucking song or I'll kick you in the fucking balls again you ass hole.
Kayne: Hey look, it's the press. They don't fuck wit me.
Estelle: (Sighs.)
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 21, 2008
mugGet the spoforifemug.

bling waddlers

or 'bling waddler' are words only applying to fat men between 35 and 45 who wear shorts, sandals and puffa jackets. The commonly tend to drive 'Ive-Got-An-Under-Sized-Penis' cars,Four by fours or minivans. They also are overly hairy, facially smug and wear Bluetooth's ear pods proudly as though they are rich Godlike men walking the streets. In actuality they are fat, waddling,hairy twats who'll end up with brain problems,drink problems and wives who only do it with them for the cash. Also they are probably closet homosexuals who film their neighbours kids through the cracks in the garden fence.
CHILD: Mummy, mummy why is that fat man walking like he needs a poo and what is that stupid f-ing thing in his ear.

MOTHER: Well son, that's what we call 'Bling Waddlers' or 'Bling Waddler'. I want you to stay away from people like that. I'm not prejudice but they are the work of Satan and you'll burn in the fires Hell if you ever become one of those. And that thing in his ear is something that lets the police know where the bastard is.

CHILD: (Scare witless) Okay Mummy, take your pills...
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish December 5, 2007
mugGet the bling waddlersmug.

nad the impale-her

The real name of a Sex Vampire who bummed a load of Carpathians in Moldavia around the 1st century before Winona Ryder chucks herself in the river for being a klepto. Used to impale people on his four foot dick which he also fought with.
Nad the Impale-Her pornstar name in spoof movie of 'Barb's Stoked U Know's Spankula' from 1993, pisstake of cool Keanu flick.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 11, 2008
mugGet the nad the impale-hermug.

00Gay

Bond of the 21st century, according to a completely non-gay Daniel Craig loves willy. No longer is it safe to watch TV without a cast of bum diggers suddenly becoming the centre of attention. Doctor Who has become Doctor 'Up the Poo'. Torchwood is 'were there any straight people in this week?'
Well Double 0 Gay is now suffering. Gaymes Bond or James Bummed is the spy hero of the new century.
00Gay's films may include...

Man With the Golden Knob
The Living Gaylights
Gold Wanger
Dr No(b)
Homos Are Forever
The Cock Is Not Enough
Never Say Gay
Moonie Raper
For Your Balls Only
Liscence to Bum
You Only Fuck Men Twice

'Q' would supply weapon-like dildos and his name would actually be short for 'Queer'. 'M' would still be Judy Dench but 'M' would stand for she was a 'Man'
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 3, 2008
mugGet the 00Gaymug.

Doctor Poo

Popular euphemism for 'I'm going to go do Doctor Poo.'
Other meanings of Doctor Poo are as follows,
Dropping the kids off at the pool
Shaking hands with Tom Titt
Choking a dark demon
Doing Ertha Kitt
My arse was just sick
Talking to god on the porcelain telephone
and the best one...
emailing your boss's letterbox with a dirty attachment.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 20, 2008
mugGet the Doctor Poomug.

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