8 definitions by normanstanleyfletcher
The use of an alternative phonetic alphabet, by those not having a grasp of the correct substitutions, using inappropriate words. These words usually being rude, crass or parts of the anatomy. The best time one should opt to use Inappropriate Phonetics would be when communicating by poor phone connection to a faceless call centre.
Yes I confirm my forename is John, that is Jism-Orgasm-Horny-Nuts, and my surname is Smith, that is Scrotum-Muff-Idiot-Twat-Hard.... Oh, you say you don't appreciate my inappropriate phonetics - how about we revert to the english alphabet and you could listen more carefully...
by normanstanleyfletcher June 6, 2015
A short-burst fart that is so loud in it's escape that it sounds like the firing of a cannon or a similar piece of artillery. Multiples of this type of emission could be mistaken for a 21 gun salute.
by normanstanleyfletcher May 31, 2015
When one comes across a female of such great beauty, one is compelled to commit any form of depraved sexual act. Falling to such a low that one would even indulge in drinking the urine of the lady in question from a place that was almost certain to result in pain - in order to reach sexual gratification and impress the girl.
Look at her in her tight top, micro-skirt and high heeled shoes - hair waving in the summer breeze. I would lick her piss off a nettle.
by normanstanleyfletcher November 21, 2016
A high velocity, airborne, ejection of brown matter that is difficult or impossible to avoid. The result is soiled clothing and/or impregnated skin (particularly the face).
Fuck it... I was strimming the long grass in the back yard and the dogs have laid some hidden piles of crap that I did not see. I have hit a steaming pile and I have been hit by the resulting Shit Shrapnel. It is all over my t-shirt and my face looks like I have a thousand brown freckles. It fucking stinks and I think I may have got some in my mouth...
by normanstanleyfletcher September 16, 2017
An activity, usually a long drive to coast, that is taken to relieve the gloom of every day life. Used to lift the spirits, get out of the house, get away from the tv / console and hide from responsibilities.
There is fuck all on tv, the wife is constantly nagging, the baby is crying and the dog has puked on the carpet. Bollocks to the world, I'm taking a long gloom lifter. I will return when I can once again see a purpose to life.
by normanstanleyfletcher July 2, 2016
When attempting to urinate in the toilet pan, or urinal, the stream of one's piss breaks into two distinct sub-streams. The result of this phenomenon being that meaningful aim is rendered impossible - ultimately causing piss covered feet, yellow stained trousers or damp knees. The name is derived from the triangle formation of the streams - the angle of which, combined with the aimer's height results in a mathematical impossibility for accuracy.
Fuck, I've got an important presentation and pissangulation has caused me to wet my buff coloured strides and suede shoes - I look like an incontinent fool.
by normanstanleyfletcher April 18, 2015
A fart that produces a surprisingly loud noise due to the plastic chair being sat on acting as an amplifier.
John was sitting in the Doctor's waiting room when he felt the need to fart. He tried to slip out a silent one but ended up doing a plastic fart. It was so loud an old lady shit herself and two babies started to cry.
by normanstanleyfletcher June 7, 2015