23 definitions by neil baxter

Top Definition
Kwiid-itch, n.

1. Fictional Sport in the 'Harry Potter' novels involving bats, balls, brooms and C.G.I. effects - no doubt to be frowned upon when some daft bugger emulates it and falls to his/her doom on discovering they can't really fly.

2. The type of sneeze that starts in the nostrils, causing one to clamp one's teeth and close the mouth, resulting in sneezing a large clod of snot into one's hand that's in such a vast amount that it can't be wiped onto one's clothing discreetly.
"Quidditch" Ron exclaimed.
"Yeah," said Harry, closing his potions book. "I'm tired of studying... let's go and have some practice before Saturday's match".
Ron looked sheepish and attempted a grin. "Sorry mate" he said red-faced, "I just sneezed... you ain't got a tissue have you?"

from "Harry Potter and the HalfBaked Plot" by K.J. Growling
by Neil Baxter October 11, 2005
Lai-djunn n.

One who speaks in inverted commas or italics, i.e. to sound unintentionally sarcastic at all times irrespective of whatever degree of sincerity might might be intended.

(Named after John Lydon a.k.a. 'Johnny Rotten').
"My dear... I really 'enjoyed' that meal... I can honestly say that it was the 'finest meal' I have eaten for days."

"Sir - may I take it that you are a Lydon... for if so, I do not appreciate the jest!"

"Nay madam, I jest not... and your culinary skill is only surpassed by your unfading beauty."

"Ye git - now I know you're taking the piss!"

From "The Importance Of Being Sarcastic" By Oscar Wired.
by Neil Baxter October 12, 2005
PANDAGOTH (n.) Pander-khoth

1. Overweight female with a penchant for dark make-up - similar in looks and build to a bear-like mammal... usually accompanied by a VERY attractive (yet anaemic looking) female friend, the Pandagoth makes up for her lack of sexual appeal by wearing a combination of the following:

a.) A 'Slipknot' hoodie.
b.) Black lipstick.
c.) Thick-framed glasses.
d.) 'Army' style boots.
e.) A weedy looking youth with a pseudo-beard hanging from her arm.

Pandagoths often 'sell-out' during their college years and become librarians, serial killers or lecturers.
"Chewie... I can't see pal... what's that? Pandagoths? Where? Ya gotta help me ol' pal... don't let them get me!"


(Excerpt from "The Pandagoths Strike Back")
by Neil Baxter September 23, 2005
The Police, modified from the popular term for police, 'pigs'.

The cause of much hilarity, the police have been comedy targets throughout the world for years...

"How many police officers does it take to break an egg?"
"None... the egg fell down the stairs of it's own accord!"

"I always wanted to be a policeman, but I failed the criteria... my mother and father are married."
"Oink Oink... do you smell bacon?"

"What do you mean... oh yes... here come the bacon brigade! Oy streaky!"
by Neil Baxter September 23, 2005
One of those cute wee doggies that has whiskers and would equally double as a cat if necessary.
"aaw. Now then puss? Who's an ickle-wickle pussdog then?"
by Neil Baxter September 23, 2005
The offspring of a pig and a frog... basically the child of Kermit and Miss Piggy.

Also known as a 'frig' or a 'pog'.

The friglet is a delicacy amongst the French (even though they'll basically eat anything) yet is hard to catch: although it's grunts can be heard for miles, the little critter can jump 27 feet at a time, therefore anyone who's ever caught one is often referred to as being 'a lucky frigger'.
"Kermie... I want for us to settle down and have friglets"

"Oh but Piggy... we've gotten low ceilings... surely they'll hurt themselves?"

"Hmm... you're right... forget it... let's just have a zany adventure featuring some famous folks instead!"

From 'Muppet & Muppettability' by Austin Jayne.
by Neil Baxter October 08, 2005
1. That fringe of fur beneath the tale of a shaggy dog that often needs the poop cutting off of it.

2. To remove said fur with scissors in order to 'de-tag' the canine chum thus making him/her more presentable and less stinky.
"I think that that bumsy needs a trimsy... where's them scissors?"
by Neil Baxter September 23, 2005
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