American Gopher Deterrent Technique.
this is a technique that is often used by a man who's property has become infested
what you do, is set a gopher trap and capture one of those pesky
critters. you then perform a "gopher call" to bring
all the other
gophers above ground
can watch. once you are sure they
are looking, you drop your pants and anally
rape the captured
gopher while screaming "you like that?! you like that, gophers?! get the fuck off my property or this is gonna happen to you!"
this technique usually results in 100% of your properties gopher population relocating.