6 definitions by dark289
n. A female who masturbates.
(An important term of differentiation, as its masculine counterpart "masturbator" is redundant given ALL men either masturbate or masturbate and then lie about it.)
(An important term of differentiation, as its masculine counterpart "masturbator" is redundant given ALL men either masturbate or masturbate and then lie about it.)
Bro 1: My girlfriend is insatiable dude. I must have walked in on her with her vibrator at least a half a dozen times.
Bro 2: That's pretty fresh man. All the girls I've dated have been so uptight about getting off. Not one has actually admitted she enjoys double-clicking her mouse.
Bro 1: You need to expand your horizons. A woman insecure about her body will invariably be reluctant to touch yours. You need a sex-positive chick, a proud masturbatrice.
Bro 2: That's pretty fresh man. All the girls I've dated have been so uptight about getting off. Not one has actually admitted she enjoys double-clicking her mouse.
Bro 1: You need to expand your horizons. A woman insecure about her body will invariably be reluctant to touch yours. You need a sex-positive chick, a proud masturbatrice.
by dark289 April 16, 2009
Sometimes a man needs to be with a woman. But sometimes, when the loving is over, the woman just wants to talk and talk and talk and talk.
That's not why you pay a prostitute, no you don't pay for her to stay you pay for her to leave afterwards.
That's why I pays a lot for prostitutes!
That's not why you pay a prostitute, no you don't pay for her to stay you pay for her to leave afterwards.
That's why I pays a lot for prostitutes!
by dark289 April 15, 2009
One who prioritizes doing nothing.
Square: Oh my God, this Tuesday was so stressful! After waking up late at 5:27, I rushed to the gym and almost missed my 6:00 Pilates class. After it was over I quickly took a shower, brushed my teeth and shaved. I then realized I had left my Xanax back at my condo. Speeding BACK to my housing unit, I ran and picked up the meds then turned around and headed to off work. Getting to the office by 8:43, grabbed some coffee then headed into the 8:00 sync meeting where we reevaluated the pending transaction with the Taipei plant, discussed the new format for the personnel records and talked about regional integration. I met with a client at 10:45 and then proceeded to work through lunch, stopping to eat a low-carb, transfat free, Vitamin D-enriched salad at my desk at 3:15. I rescheduled the next meeting with my life coach, paid my bills through the end of the month and organized my cubicle. Leaving the office at 7:00, I had dinner by myself at 7:45 and read the paper before getting back to my home at 8:50. I went on the internet to complete the homework for my online MBA program before catching up on The News Hour. How was your Tuesday?
Slacker: Today's Tuesday? Oh, pretty chill I guess. I woke up sometime in the afternoon, ate some Doritos and played video games for about 5 hours, then masturbated to a ton of internet porn. I ordered pizza and watched Netflix until you interrupted me for this hypothetical discussion. Was planning on drinking later on, maybe after I jam out on my guitar or go skating.
::Square, reflecting upon his life, jumps off a bridge::
Slacker: Today's Tuesday? Oh, pretty chill I guess. I woke up sometime in the afternoon, ate some Doritos and played video games for about 5 hours, then masturbated to a ton of internet porn. I ordered pizza and watched Netflix until you interrupted me for this hypothetical discussion. Was planning on drinking later on, maybe after I jam out on my guitar or go skating.
::Square, reflecting upon his life, jumps off a bridge::
by dark289 April 14, 2009
The dogged pursuit of a hopeless goal, with utter disregard for a preponderance of contradicting evidence and mounting public distain.
(Shortened form: Norc)
(Shortened form: Norc)
Dude 1: I can't believe my brother is still trying to be an olympic swimmer.
Dude 2: Really, isn't he incontinent?
Dude 1: Yeah man. They banned him from the pool. But every morning he keeps trying to sneak in.
Dude 2: That's weak. He wasn't even that great of a swimmer to begin with.
Dude 1: Yeah, the team, the coach and especially the janitors hate him more and more every day. There's no point in continuing this. He's really pulling a Norm Coleman.
Dude 2: Really, isn't he incontinent?
Dude 1: Yeah man. They banned him from the pool. But every morning he keeps trying to sneak in.
Dude 2: That's weak. He wasn't even that great of a swimmer to begin with.
Dude 1: Yeah, the team, the coach and especially the janitors hate him more and more every day. There's no point in continuing this. He's really pulling a Norm Coleman.
by dark289 April 10, 2009
A somewhat pejorative term used generally to refer to a woman's primary reproductive organs.
(Typically used by men uncomfortable and/or unfamiliar with the female anatomy, often for comic effect.)
(Typically used by men uncomfortable and/or unfamiliar with the female anatomy, often for comic effect.)
Bro 1: I can't watch the game bro. My girlfriend has an appointment with her gynecologist today and I have to pick her up from the office.
Bro 2: Bummer dude. Is she OK? What's the problem?
Bro 1: Not sure man. All I know is that something's wrong up there in the gullyworks. I don't really want to think about it.
::Both shudder uncomfortably and take a drink::
Bro 2: Bummer dude. Is she OK? What's the problem?
Bro 1: Not sure man. All I know is that something's wrong up there in the gullyworks. I don't really want to think about it.
::Both shudder uncomfortably and take a drink::
by dark289 April 10, 2009
1. v. To socially isolate youth to the point of causing dysfunction in present and future interpersonal relationships.
2. n. An unaccredited repository for sheltered children where students receive parental "academic instruction" of questionable quality in such reputable fields as "creation science", "bible history" and "abstinence-only sex education".
(Definition excludes nonreligious home-education, which is confined to children of hippies living off the grid and ethnographers conducting research in remote islands in Oceania. Less than .1% of the total homeschooling population.)
2. n. An unaccredited repository for sheltered children where students receive parental "academic instruction" of questionable quality in such reputable fields as "creation science", "bible history" and "abstinence-only sex education".
(Definition excludes nonreligious home-education, which is confined to children of hippies living off the grid and ethnographers conducting research in remote islands in Oceania. Less than .1% of the total homeschooling population.)
1. Parent: Homeschool my children? I'd rather not have them end up as friendless virgins in their mid-twenties, believing Jesus rode around on dinosaurs.
2. College Admissions Officer: So, where did you graduate from high school?
College Applicant: I went to homeshool.
College Admissions Officer: Wonderful! For some inexplicable reason, although you have had no formal instruction in science, critical thinking or literature, I invite you to join our institution. What this nation's post-secondary education system really needs is more maladjusted young people believing in apocalyptic world-views with better knowledge of firearms than physiology.
2. College Admissions Officer: So, where did you graduate from high school?
College Applicant: I went to homeshool.
College Admissions Officer: Wonderful! For some inexplicable reason, although you have had no formal instruction in science, critical thinking or literature, I invite you to join our institution. What this nation's post-secondary education system really needs is more maladjusted young people believing in apocalyptic world-views with better knowledge of firearms than physiology.
by dark289 April 16, 2009