brucester's definitions

Brexititis

A neurological condition whereby the patient's real personality is suddenly revealed by their simple loss of ability to accept views different to their own, Leave or Remain, to the point at which they suspend all respect for others and then enter into raised levels of judgement and hatred creating social division.

Signs include excess heat, hot sunken eyes, redness, finger poking, increased volume, pronounced veins, general appearance of shitty indignation and judgemental and personal posting on social media including memes that are borderline legal.

Brexititis can be highly contagious in closed circles such as pubs, market stalls, farms, small businesses, school staff rooms and hospitals and is more prevalent among people aged 30+. Bed rest is the only cure - hence young people tend never to catch it in the first place.

They were having a stimulating conversation and then someone said, "What do you reckon to the referendum?". Immigration was then discussed whereupon several people exhibited an episode of Brexititis.

by Brucester July 2, 2016

braggington

A health professional who doesn't like NHS patients and treats them like second class citizens, then braggs about it to their staff.

"Aren't you going for a check up today?" "Nope I've suffered a right braggington, - I was struck off for answering back!"

by Brucester October 10, 2006

builder's inspection

Unprofessional behaviour by domestic builders whereby during their lunch break they ALWAYS inspect the contents of the underwear drawer of an absent home owner especially if she is a real honey. Passing the items round they mentally picture her wearing them....I'm told...by numerous building acquaintances.

"Arrrrrrrrgh !!! You make sure you lock those fucking monkies out when you leave tomorrow"

"Why ????? They're doing great with the conservatory"

"BECAUSE David, they've held a fucking Builder's Inspection - that's why....I can tell"

by Brucester September 18, 2006

space cookies

Skiing: A small lump of very hard snow or ice that looks innocent enough but it is practically welded to the piste causing you to stumble when you ski into it. Usually encountered first thing in the morning before the sun has loosened the snow up.

Following a wipe-out....."I think I must have hit a space cookie or something"

OR

Take it easy guys this next bit is littered with space cookies

by Brucester September 10, 2006

jap skewed

Farting technique. You have a really great girlfriend who you want to keep, but she keeps feeding you onions which are giving you massive flatulence. Your relationship hasn't developed well enough for you to grout in her presence so........as a massive bubble drops into place you
pull your anus sideways with your index finger commuting your fart from the obvious to an unexplained fffffff noise.

She was a right bobby dazzeler and sod's law I had a massive
shit gas attack, but I 'jap skewed' them all, luckily they were plain flavoured and stenchless so I'm on a promise for Thursday now!

by Brucester September 10, 2006

brown fudge sunday

No....not a mis-spelling. A day of the week upon which you should be afforded rest and relaxation, but due to the fact that you have three children under four years of age you spend that day packing a despatching shit pastys into the nappy bin.

"Hey come on, I've done six today already - you have a go,
I'm just having a brown fudge sunday and bugger all else"

by Brucester September 16, 2006

piss pasty

Used disposable nappy. Once folded into place with the velcrow wings secured it resembles a product from the Ginsters range.

While you're up their would you empty the nappy bin - it's
solid with 'piss pastys'

by Brucester September 10, 2006