brucester's definitions

pork oil

Practically unacknowledged existence of highly porky smelling oil secreted around the anus - avoid showering for a few days to discover this. Can be smeared under the nose of a fellow camping / dormitory occupant as a punishment.

Other 'oils' exist - discover and enjoy......
Lamb oil - found in the pubes,
Cheese oil - found between toes esp. athletes foot
Bacon & onion oil - armpits
Chicken oil - hair!
Prawn oil - earns, esp if infected.

I taught the arsewipe not to snore, I gave him a pork oil moustache.

by Brucester September 10, 2006

indirect fart

Draconian punishment for the fussy girfriend who keeps complaining about your unavoidabe flatulence, and who keeps escaping when you try to hold her head under the blanket.

A rich fart is released silently into your hand, you expell all air from your lungs then breath in the fart from your closed hand. You now make an amorous approach and breath the fart into her face / mouth as you kiss her. This will cure the problem as she WILL leave you. Failing this you repeat the procedure but first you bite strips of of your fingernails and wedge them between your teeth - an "indirect fart with nails"

I gave her an indirect fart

by Brucester September 10, 2006

Gronk

British Trainspotter speak for a class 08
diesel electric shunting loco. The BTC commissioned about 1100 of them back in the late 50s and a substantial number are still in traffic.

Gronks are sometimes known as Jockos

1V57 failed just outside Reading and they had to use a Gronk to haul it in out of the way.

by Brucester February 24, 2009

spam flautist

Virtuoso fellatio performer.

Presidential spam flautist Monika Lewinski lied in court again today, yet privately hoped she would be found out, as the whole point of the exercise was that she wanted to simply be catalogued in history as someone who blew the President. <Mindless cunt>

by Brucester September 13, 2006

braggington

A health professional who doesn't like NHS patients and treats them like second class citizens, then braggs about it to their staff.

"Aren't you going for a check up today?" "Nope I've suffered a right braggington, - I was struck off for answering back!"

by Brucester October 10, 2006

builder's inspection

Unprofessional behaviour by domestic builders whereby during their lunch break they ALWAYS inspect the contents of the underwear drawer of an absent home owner especially if she is a real honey. Passing the items round they mentally picture her wearing them....I'm told...by numerous building acquaintances.

"Arrrrrrrrgh !!! You make sure you lock those fucking monkies out when you leave tomorrow"

"Why ????? They're doing great with the conservatory"

"BECAUSE David, they've held a fucking Builder's Inspection - that's why....I can tell"

by Brucester September 18, 2006

space cookies

Skiing: A small lump of very hard snow or ice that looks innocent enough but it is practically welded to the piste causing you to stumble when you ski into it. Usually encountered first thing in the morning before the sun has loosened the snow up.

Following a wipe-out....."I think I must have hit a space cookie or something"

OR

Take it easy guys this next bit is littered with space cookies

by Brucester September 10, 2006