6 definitions by bertrando1
Identification: Guatemalan Mantises (guat mantids) are among the nastiest hood rats found in the general population. Adults range from 5 to 6 ft long, are dark, & usually brown, or yellowish (jaundice-drug or alcohol use). The females have big boobs & big front arms consisting of long jagged nails to attack sexual competition & random hoes. The male tends to be tatted, drunk & high on drugs. The vernacular/tone of this mantis consists of yelling & belligerence. Their large heads can rotate about 180 degrees & have large, bulging eyes. The term “Praying” comes from a common occurrence of vomiting on the weekends.
Lookalikes: Guat Mantids are not distinctive & can be confused with other mantids such as the Mexican & Puerto Rican variety. But the Guat genus is far more lazy, violent & volatile than it’s Mexican cousin, relating closer to its Puerto Rican relative.
Life Cycle: The Guat genus does not typically live a long life. The males succumb to gang violence, drug overdoses, & domestic abuse. The female tends to live longer than the male. It drains the lifeblood, bank accounts & credit cards of its mate slowly, & instead of decapitating it’s mate like other mantises, it’s aggressive & confrontational to the rest of the mantis population, further alienating its mate.
Habitat: Unfortunately, infestations of Guat Mantids are found throughout N. America, but you can primarily find them at terrible bars, clubs, & the streets. They lurk in the shadows waiting for prey to arrive.
Lookalikes: Guat Mantids are not distinctive & can be confused with other mantids such as the Mexican & Puerto Rican variety. But the Guat genus is far more lazy, violent & volatile than it’s Mexican cousin, relating closer to its Puerto Rican relative.
Life Cycle: The Guat genus does not typically live a long life. The males succumb to gang violence, drug overdoses, & domestic abuse. The female tends to live longer than the male. It drains the lifeblood, bank accounts & credit cards of its mate slowly, & instead of decapitating it’s mate like other mantises, it’s aggressive & confrontational to the rest of the mantis population, further alienating its mate.
Habitat: Unfortunately, infestations of Guat Mantids are found throughout N. America, but you can primarily find them at terrible bars, clubs, & the streets. They lurk in the shadows waiting for prey to arrive.
Heard your friend George married a Guatemalan Praying Mantis. I hope he’s ready for a life of misery, craziness and isolation.
by bertrando1 May 23, 2023
The Guatranian sat on his porch waiting for his welfare check so he can buy some Fentanyl and tampico juice. Meanwhile the Guatranian children were stealing bikes too big for them.
by bertrando1 May 23, 2023
In the process of consuming entertainment (tv shows, podcasts, stories, etc), a subject can become obsessed with seeing the end goal completed. With the end goal never getting resolved, the subject becomes hooked on the hope of the next episode. A common symptom is the subject believes that the next episode coming up is going to be the episode where they complete or prove what the series is documenting.
Matt and Chad are ridiculous when it comes to watching about the Oak Island treasure. They are both hooked on cliffhanger dope, and they got it bad. Don’t they realize the show is essentially over if the treasure is found?
by bertrando1 March 16, 2022
The process of dropping really good family made LSD that was dosed out on cardboard instead of traditional blotter.
by bertrando1 March 8, 2022
While having vaginal sex in the doggystyle position, the man, without consent, slips his penis into the woman’s anus. The woman, being shocked, kicks him away like a wild horse bucking.
Daniel was banging Beatriz last night, and he said she was so dry that he decided to slip it into her butt. Before he was even tip deep, she gave him a horse buck that sent flying across the room!
by bertrando1 March 8, 2022
Human herpesvirus 10, or HHV-10, is the most recently discovered form of the human herpesviruses. The virus was recently identified in the crotch area of a Puerto Rican hockey player in a suburban Men’s League. Symptoms include spending your wife’s money at the clubs, urinary streams getting split in two and trouble with urination (ex: peeing at the club’s bar), delusional views on self worth, hypo addictive tendencies towards nerdy gaming activities, decreased speed, small penis, and genital sores.
HHV-10 is also known as the Captains Disease and is a sarcoma-associated herpesvirus. The virus is extremely rare at this point, but can be spread through sexual contact, oral sex, anal sex, hand jobs, rimming, tossing salad, reach arounds, and other various sexual acts. Like many other Herpes viruses, there is no known cure or treatment.
HHV-10 is also known as the Captains Disease and is a sarcoma-associated herpesvirus. The virus is extremely rare at this point, but can be spread through sexual contact, oral sex, anal sex, hand jobs, rimming, tossing salad, reach arounds, and other various sexual acts. Like many other Herpes viruses, there is no known cure or treatment.
Hey dude, did you hear about Ed? He picked up Herpes 10 somehow! I guess it’s not surprising with all the transsexuals he hangs out with.
by bertrando1 May 22, 2022