Ben Dover - a middle/ old aged Gonzo pornographer who looks like the kind of guy you'd get round to tune your sky dish, or alternatively, like the benevolent old codger who used to hang around your schoolgates in an old trenchcoat offering Wherther's originals to schoolkids until outed by the "Sun" newspaper and beaten half to death by a horde of chavs. Also a religious figure in the Turkish village of Turkmenkbabflapparappa, population 2 men, 1 crone, 234 goats and 556,783.5 effigies of Ben Dover in various sexual positions.
Main features and defining characteristicas of Ben Dover are 1) Chemically damaged mullet, which recedes in a perfect straight line across the middle of his head.
2) Larger than average penis, which looks like a toadstool when erect and, as Ben is the cameraman in his own films, is usually viewed rather shakily (due to his state of arousal) from above entering a middle aged woman's mouth in an A-Road lay by near Kettering, framed by a pair of pointy cowboy boots, Ben's favoured footwear. 3) Obsession with sticking his finger up an assortment of victims' booty holes, to an accompaniment of hissing sexual noises akin to a feeding frenzy when a rotting goat carcass is thrown to a pack of Komodo dragons and frantic masturbation of the "toadstool".
Hello, my name is Ben.... Ben Dover. You're very naughty.... (forces digit into victim's rectum).
Rugby Union: Great sport played by 15 hard bastard athletes. Lots of variation in play and tactics.
Rugby League: Version of Union simplified for the mind workings of Northern Chav followers. Mainly consists of one man hurling himself at 3 opponents 5 times then kicking the ball.
Rugby League: "And it's the 5th play the ball.... what's he gonna do?.... Oh he's gonna kick it!"
A prime example of regressive evolution. What's left over now that Britain's working class has become middle class.
Chavs tend to be either skinny and physically underdeveloped due to excessive consumption of illegal stimulants and long periods running from the police, or morbidly obese due to a diet consisting primarily of any American Burger Corp's finest offerings.
Chavs can often be found loitering in large herds, engaging in a range of antisocial behaviour around urban landmarks such as bus stations, shopping malls or McDonald's - basically anywhere they may come into contact with normal folk whom they can try to intimidate from within the safety of the chav herd.
The Chav female, or chavette, reaches breeding age at the age of 9, at which time her pregnancy to family friend "Uncle Dazza" (aged 26) may be publicised on the front page of the Sun newspaper. This may also lead to an appearance on daytime TV and a period of incarceration for "Uncle Dazza".
Bizarrely (see mating section below), elders in Chav communities often have an obsession with Paedophiles ("Pedos") which is often whipped into a frenzy by the British Tabloid press. This prompts one of the Chav communities' quaintest customs - "Pedo" outings, at which Chav young are taught the basics of identifying and dealing with Pedos by (generally female) members of the Chav community. During this event, which often run in summer and take the form of a kind of community Festival, everyone from "Paediatricia...